“If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful, it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible-only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too”, when I first heard these words, I grew up. I kept reciting them like I was about to wake up from a dream, it was time, not only for me to accept the things I can’t change but to let go.
I had my first insight of letting go a while back when I figured out intellectually that you let go of everything and then I asked myself
“How do you let go?”
At that time it seemed impossible to let go of anything. I kept on contemplating
“How do you let go?”
Then I would say, “you let go by letting go”. “Well then let go!!”
You know some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go that makes us strong. Then I would say
“But have I let go yet?”
I went on like that, getting more frustrated, but eventually it became obvious what was happening. If you try to analyze letting go in detail, you get caught up in making it very complicated. It was not something that you could figure out in words anymore, but something you actually did, so I just let go for a moment. Just like that. See letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps us to restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.
In the process of letting go I realized that the only reason I held on to a dead end is because I was longing for the relationship that I wished it could be and I wanted to be in love with the person I wished he was.
Let me ask you something, have you ever had that one person that made you so happy that you started falling madly in love with them and wished they were in some kind of way to fit your needs?
See that’s where we actually go wrong, we fall in love with a person and when they turn out to what we didn’t expect we find it hard to let them go in hopes that they will be what we want.
But I’m not going to go in too deep and make you feel guilty about loving someone too deeply. Let’s all find a way to get through letting go so I have compiled 10 ways to letting go and feeling less pain.
1. FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL INSTEAD OF SOMETHING YOU CANNOT.
Yes you are going to replay memories of you and your loved one over and over again thinking of how it should’ve, would’ve or could’ve have been if you had done something in a different way. You can’t control what happened before but you can control how you move forward from that point on. Hope I’m making sense here.
2. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
What is it that you can do perfectly? I mean that something you are good at? Here’s some therapy for your mind and soul. If you can dance, go to a place alone and put on your headsets and just dance away I promise you are going to feel much better after that. You an artist? Writer? Just find anything you are good at and do it. Clear your mind off of things and just be happy. That’s therapy enough to get you by and it’s priceless.
3. IDENTIFY WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE TAUGHT YOU
This is going to help you develop a sense of closure and in future you will know how to avoid such a situation.
4. WRITE IT DOWN
Even thou you are not going to give it away just write everything you feel down. Express every sort of anger and disappointment and pain down. Clarifying how you feel will help you come to terms with the reality as it is now.
5. LET GO OF THE STRESS
Use breathing techniques to soothe yourself. Join a group and do some activities enjoying the company of the people close to you can help you on the way of putting your problems behind you.
6. WORK ON FORGIVING YOURSELF.
Most of the time when we are hurt by the ones we love we give up on love and think we made the biggest mistakes of our lives by being with them that if you were not with them then you wouldn’t be in the situation you are in right now, feeling the pain you are feeling right now. All we can do is just to keep reminding ourselves that we are all human, you are bound to make mistakes I mean everyone else does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
7. DON’T CONSIDER THE TIME PASSED AS LOST
If you take your relationship and the time you spent with that loved one as time wasted or lost then you are underestimating all the amazing things you did. All you have to do is just focus on the positive look at the things you have gained throughout the journey. When you focus on the positive it’s easier to move on. Whatever happened in the past prepared you for now, and now it’s full of opportunities, growth and most of all peace.
8. TAKE SOME TIME OFF
If you hop from relationship to relationship then you are basically taking all that moved you from the previous relationship to the next. You need to reconnect with who you were before the relationship, you were strong, happy and satisfied all in one. Remember that person and reconnect with them I mean that person is the one that connected you with your ex made them attracted to you. That person will help you get through this time of pain and loss and will attract someone who is much more amazing in the future.
9. REMEMBER THE BENEFITS OF LETTING GO.
When you let go, you give yourself peace. I know now you feel ashamed, you have regrets, and you somewhat feel guilty, and then you obsess. It’s all normal this is all exercise in suffering. If you want to peacefully move on then quiet all the thoughts that threaten it, like
“I’ll never be loved again. I will never find me a good guy/girl. I will be lonely forever. I will never fall in love again.”
Why don’t you replace all those thoughts with positivity? Simple examples are:
“This pain will eventually pass like everything else. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.”
Lastly and most importantly
10. BE HAPPY
By now we all know that nothing in life lasts forever right? Every experience and relationship will eventually pay off in the future and you will bear the fruits. Don’t dwell on the past but focus on what you have now and find little things in the moment and enjoy it.
Let’s make an example about letting go.
If you hold a glass of water for a minute it’s no problem. If you hold it for an hour your arm will start to ache. If you hold it for a day your arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case the weight of the glass doesn’t change but the longer you hold on to it the heavier it becomes.
The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer then they start to hurt. And if you think about them all day long you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything. Always remember to put the glass down.
My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence
Written By: Lesego “Le’Go” Moshodi & Chriz Raymond