Something At First Sight

I’ve always had a problem with beginning a story, same as this one. I don’t know where to start but then again I wanna tell you about it.

So just sit back relax and take a journey with me down memory lane. This Is My Story.

The reason the title of this particular piece is “Something” At First Sight is because some feelings you just cant put a name to them.

The same as sex, how does one begin to explain the feeling of sliding the D into the P (as a guy) and having it slide in you (as a girl).

Can’t quite explain it right?

The same as the “Something” at the beginning of my title.

Its when you see someone and you completely start to become hot and cold at the same time. Heart beats rapidly inside your chest, to a point where you can hear you heartbeat in your ears. Your palms are sweaty. You can start to hear yourself breathing heavily and you break a sweat.

At that point you don’t know how exactly you’re feeling and you cant put into words. And that’s just about how I felt.

I was last in a registration queue at one University applying for a semester course, and this is course before the second semester started. I was seated next to a lady who looked to be in her early 30’s, good looking too. In a way she reminded me of “My Cougar”. In her hands she had 2 phones, an iPhone 6s and a Galaxy J5, I couldn’t help but notice that everytime I took my phone out to respond to WhatsApp texts her wyes would lean in a bit and looked at my phone. I was tempted to tell her to mind her business but the queue was long and I didn’t wanna stay silent the whole time, and so I started a conversation about her Apple iPhone and told her liked it. She laughed a bit before saying what most bragging people love to say

“Oh its nothing really”

I smiled and in the back of my mind I was like “Yeah right its nothing”, and that’s how the conversation between me and this here lady started. We spoke for like a good 5 minutes before someone came and sat next to me in line. I didn’t pay much attention to the person who just sat next to me in line because I was busy talking big game with the lady in front of me in line. Our conversation quickly heated up as we were now doing bedroom talk. I asked her if size matters in the bedroom and she laughed before she said “Yes of course size does matter, what do you think” after saying that she turned to the person next to me and asked her the same question I asked her, as she was asking the question I was looking down with a smile, I will tell you why in a moment.
The person next to me responded by saying “Not only size but performance too” and they laughed. I looked at the owner of the angelic voice that just spoke next to me and I got lost in her eyes.
Have you ever looked at someone in the eyes so long that you don’t even realize you’re looking at them?
I got so lost in thought that she started snapping her fingers in front of my face and when I finally came to my senses she was laughing at me and her smile almost instantly put me in flight mode again. “Are you okay?” she asked, “No. Yes. No, wait what did you say?” I replied while rubbing my eyes and shaking my head as if I was trying to come back to my senses. “Are you okay? Need a glass of water? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She said while laughing, “No I’m okay” I replied. The lady I was conversing with tapped me on the shoulder and when I looked over she was smiling like your friend would when they know they played the best wingman or wingwoman (if theres such) part.
She leaned forward as a person would if you talking to a person next to the one you seated with, and she said “Guys if you don’t mind could you please guard my spot for me. The line is long and I have errands to run, I will be back.” Me and the fine girl seated next to me agreed and she took her stuff and left.
Okay before I proceed I would like to rewind to a couple of lines back. Remember when I was smiling looking down and I said I will tell you why? Yep that part, well heres why.
When I asked the lady if size matters I was really expecting to be told where to get off but it didn’t happen. And when I asked the question about size mattering in the bedroom I was actually talking about a bed. Yes you read right I said BED. You guys are dirty minded.
Anyway let me tell you about this here girl that I’m currently seated with.
She was dressed for her body, skinny jeans that exposed her curves, a t-shirt that hugged her and showed her chested self and a jacket.
Black beauty with a killer smile.
Eyes that can make a man confess shit he ain’t even done.
So I introduced myself as Chriz, that’s what I do. And she introduced herself as Ashley, so it was more like introducing ourselves on a Middle Name basis. So me and Ashley started talking about dreams and what we plan to achieve which was interesting.
She is an aspiring Mechanical Engineer, meaning she must be smart as fuck. *laughs* Please pardon my strong language.
So during our conversation I saw a helper and I went and asked her about the reason im at the queue because im already registered. And she helped me real quick and I was done. So after I finished it was whether to go back and chill with Ashley or should I just leave. And guess what I did? Yep I left, end of story. Thank you for reading.

Lmao just playing, of course I went back and chilled with her and told her that im done. She seemed really sad that I was done and asked me to chill with her. She pulled out the girlfriend card, you know when you with your other half and you enjoying the company and they have to leave and so you pull out Puppy Eyes and the works? Yep she did that to me, and because her eyes were so hypnotizing I fell for her tricks and stayed. In my staying she picked up on the sex talk.
And guess what? This little innocent girl is a freak.
But lets not get into that, it was about an hour into our talk when this other couple sat next to us, they said we looked together that time we not even dating, ncaaww so cute man.
So they liked our conversation so much they joined in, and the girl said she took her step brothers virginity. Lol that was too deep for me, I mean they both live under the same roof and the thing that elevated the story is that she later found out the guy is actually her half brother. Lol oh man it was fun but they disturbed me and the beauty next to me.
So we got back to our business and talked more and she told me that she likes me. Well that was too quick, I mean I didn’t get yo use my charms or anything like that. So I thought she meant that she likes talking to me and im a fun guy to be around and so I asked and this was her response
“Oh no silly. What I mean is I really like you, I mean I wanna be with you.”
It took me by surprise that she was so quick into me. And as I was astonished it was her turn to get help, so I told her to meet me outside so I don’t hold up the line.
As I was standing outside I was going through the process of taking this all in. I mean im too ugly to be liked by such a beautiful girl. And as I was taking this all in I was playing my favourite track at that point which is All Eyez by The Game featuring Jeremih. As the track was playing I felt these warm arms around me and it was her. She gave me a warm hug and asked me to walk her to the rank. As we walked out, there was a guy standing with flowers next to a car, well I didn’t see him because I was too busy admiring the beauty of the M4. What made me realize he was there is Ashley, soon as she saw him she said
“Oh my God what is he doing here?”
Keep in mind that I have my arm on her waist and the booty balancing it and she had her arm in the right back pocket coz she kept grabbing my ass. Not that I have it *lmao*
Long story short the guy is the boyfriend and he came to apologise, she said ” Uhm how about I walk you?” Which was strange coz I was the one walking her. So I let her go and we walked side by side quiet until she stopped me, looked me in the eyes and said “I’m really sorry but I didn’t want any of this to happen, I hope you can forgive me and maybe we can meet up sometime. I love you”
Gave me a kiss and went back to her boyfriend. And I walked to my friends place.
I was playing music in my earphones but I never heard what track was playing. I had flashback to when a girl I was in a relationship with for a year left me standing to go get in her boyfriends car, you should’ve heard the pipes of the Golf 6 R when he revved it up and left.
Everything blurred out and it was suddenly all quiet on the way back. I could hear my chest weighing heavy, legs getting wobbly, I started shaking, could feel my heart shatter into pieces and every piece that fell was scarring my soul. I could feel tears piling up in my eyes but nothing came out. Got to the place without talking to anyone and just slept.
Well you thought this was going to be a happy ever after story huh? Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I never saw her again besides we didn’t exchange numbers or Facebook names.
The first part of this piece before going into the actual story was co-written by her, Ashley as she wanted to test my writing skills. She even came up with the Title of this here piece.
That was the last time I ever met a girl that made me feel this way until recently when I met this other beauty but that’s a story for another day.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond and This Is #BrokenSilence

L E T T H E W O R D S S P R A Y
The events and characters depicted in this story are all fiction and just used for pure entertainment

Dear Future Mrs. Raymond [The 9th Letter]

Time :04:12 AM CAT
Date: 14 May 2016

Dear Future Mrs. Raymond

I am writing this letter this morning deeply hurt and in pain. I haven’t slept a bit, I keep tossing and turning.

Usually when its raining I find it real easy to sleep but I’ve had a problem sleeping this morning (well technically it is morning). I have been thinking a lot, about myself, my future and what I would like to achieve in life. Yes, a man on a mission to reach his goals that’s me, but here’s the thing despite me thinking about those, you kept popping up in my head. So I stopped thinking about everything else and the focus turned to you, and when that happened I couldn’t stop the tears from coming out my eyes and falling on the pillow. I know you probably reading this and you’re confused as to whether I had tears of pain or joy coming out my eyes, allow me to indulge you.

These tears are of pain. I wrote letters pleading for you to come forth and reveal yourself. I’ve met a lot of girls whom I thought were you but they weren’t. I’ve been through a lot trying to find you, I broke hearts and I’ve had mine broken in the process.

I recently came across my Primary thru High School crush. Me and her didn’t talk a lot back in the day coz I was scared to approach her but we’ve always been on good terms. Anyway we’ve been talking and we finally had something going on, it was awesome but the matter of fact is that this is the right person for me, but the timing of our meeting wasn’t good because I was sorta seeing someone else.

3 days ago she was raged and she decided we should stop what we were busy with. I tried to accept it and let it all go until I was all alone in the dark searching through the treasures in my mind when it hit me like a football getting closer.

I jumped out of bed and opened my laptop to read all the letters I sent you and I was right I could feel it in my stomach too. The hairs behind my back stood up and I felt my hair clinch like there was Paranormal Activity happening close by. I got mad at myself and I started looking for something sharp just to let all this pain, guilt and anger within me go out. Yes I wanted to self-harm myself the way I was so angry at me.

I turned the light on and looked at myself in the mirror for about 10-20 minutes, my eyes were focused on the man in the mirror while the tears dropped down freely like a waterfall but my mind was busy playing with my emotions. My heart was beating fast so much so I could hear the heartbeat in my ears.

I took my phone and logged into my blog and I went through every letter I ever wrote you and there was only one letter that hit home when I read it.

I realized that this here girl has been the Mrs. Raymond I’ve been looking for all along. I realized that everything I’ve ever written in the letters are true and that’s what has been happening between us all this time.

Isn’t it funny how we never realize the worth of what we have until the point where by we loose it and its hard to get it back? Well its funny how when I get serious its the wrong girl but as soon as I play, I’m playing the right girl.

Let’s take a little trip down memory lane and let me take you back to the first ever “Dear Future Mrs. Raymond” letter posted on the 1st of June 2014, where I said:

“The last thing I want is to meet you and have all this excess baggage that will keep us from being united and grow together. I don’t know who you are, what you look like or what you sound like. I can guarantee that I will be so attracted to you mentally, spiritually, and physically. And I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if that means waiting years to be with you.”

Reading this passage I realized everything I ever said on it is true and she is the one.

I also said:

“Why aren’t we making out right now? Let’s just stay up and pretend to watch a movie before the week starts.

I hope you’re ready for the most random man you have ever met in your life. I can’t wait to fall in love with all the things you hate about yourself so that you can start loving yourself as well.

If enduring pain, braving shame, despising one’s self for the sake of affection and accepting misery without question is the definition of LOVE, then I LOVE YOU Future Mrs. Raymond.”

And after reading it I realized that right now I have just lost you my Mrs. Raymond. I’ve been writing all these letters looking for you and when I finally meet you after years looking I completely mess it up and I lose you. I’m sorry but that just can’t happen, I LOVE you and I wanna be with you.

If being with you means that I should just drop everything else then I’m willing to do it.

If being with you means that I should make up more time just so I can spend it with you then so be it.

All in all what I’m trying to say is that I will do anything possible just to be with you.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond and I lost my Mrs. Raymond. And I’m hoping through this letter and my actions I will get her back.

B R O K E N S I L E N C E
L E T T H E W O R D S S P R A Y

Have You Ever (Raging Emotions Edition)

Have you ever just sat alone and thought to yourself :-

“Why doesn’t this person see each and every effort I put in for them to realize I want them?”

“Why can’t they see I’m the guy/girl for them?”

Have you ever had a guy/girl tell you that they wish they had a boy/girlfriend like you? Someone who they can always rely on, someone they can always talk to, someone that no matter how bad something is they will never make you feel bad.

Isn’t it funny how the people we are most close to always want a relationship to be like what you two have but never love us in a way of being a couple?

As I lie on my bed during this load shedding hour, I can’t help but have a picture of this broad who loves me as a ‘friend’ and who I love as my ‘girlfriend’ pop up in my head.

I’m always here for her whenever she cries, I’m her pick me up. After talking to me she always feels better and has a whole lot of weight off her chest/shoulders. And yet she still runs back to the person that hurt her.

I’m always here for her whenever she is bored, I’m her favourite person to talk to because we can text each other for hours on end with endless topics and laughter. Yet she only texts me whenever she wants something from me.

I’m there for her in happy and sad times and all I get from her is

“If only I had a boyfriend that’s loving and caring like you do”

Like I’m right here and you always go around running and being hurt.
Have you ever thought that talking about your relationships with me hurts me?

Have you ever thought that I’m doing everything that I do for you because I Love You?

Have you ever even thought that I’m that boyfriend you been looking for?

NO!!! Because all you think about is you, nobody else.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond and This Is #BrokenSilence

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

The River Of My Tears Has Run Dry

A lonely walk it was ,trying to match the footprints in my heart.

The same heart that was fumbled from the first time I learned to love.

I could still see the cracks underneath your fragile heart as well, I could have been there to catch you when you fell but I was caught up in the ideal that I had more cracks than you.

I was caught up in the ideal that love could never be the same

I felt at ease in the mist of your presence,I felt alive through your touch.

I saw a better me in your beautiful brown eyes.

I felt a glimpse of how love felt I almost forgot how it smells like.

How it tastes like.

It tasted like ice cream on a hot day.

It felt like sex on the beach.

It’s scent took after rain on a dry ground.

The love only my heart could relate to.

It would be scattered like snow dew if you were to give up on the foundation of the solid love we built.

I need you more than yesterday.

My perfect rose.

Be my perennial river because my river of tears has run dry. I lost me when I lost you my sweetheart.

Written by Manana Setsetse for Mr. And Mrs. Raymond

Let The Words Spray.

Letting Go

“If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful, it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible-only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too”, when I first heard these words, I grew up. I kept reciting them like I was about to wake up from a dream, it was time, not only for me to accept the things I can’t change but to let go.

I had my first insight of letting go a while back when I figured out intellectually that you let go of everything and then I asked myself

“How do you let go?”

At that time it seemed impossible to let go of anything. I kept on contemplating

“How do you let go?”

Then I would say, “you let go by letting go”. “Well then let go!!”

You know some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go that makes us strong. Then I would say

“But have I let go yet?”

 I went on like that, getting more frustrated, but eventually it became obvious what was happening. If you try to analyze letting go in detail, you get caught up in making it very complicated. It was not something that you could figure out in words anymore, but something you actually did, so I just let go for a moment. Just like that. See letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps us to restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.

In the process of letting go I realized that the only reason I held on to a dead end is because I was longing for the relationship that I wished it could be and I wanted to be in love with the person I wished he was.

Let me ask you something, have you ever had that one person that made you so happy that you started falling madly in love with them and wished they were in some kind of way to fit your needs?
See that’s where we actually go wrong, we fall in love with a person and when they turn out to what we didn’t expect we find it hard to let them go in hopes that they will be what we want.

But I’m not going to go in too deep and make you feel guilty about loving someone too deeply. Let’s all find a way to get through letting go so I have compiled 10 ways to letting go and feeling less pain.

1. FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL INSTEAD OF SOMETHING YOU CANNOT.

Yes you are going to replay memories of you and your loved one over and over again thinking of how it should’ve, would’ve or could’ve have been if you had done something in a different way. You can’t control what happened before but you can control how you move forward from that point on. Hope I’m making sense here.

2. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
What is it that you can do perfectly? I mean that something you are good at? Here’s some therapy for your mind and soul. If you can dance, go to a place alone and put on your headsets and just dance away I promise you are going to feel much better after that. You an artist? Writer? Just find anything you are good at and do it. Clear your mind off of things and just be happy. That’s therapy enough to get you by and it’s priceless.

3. IDENTIFY WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE TAUGHT YOU

This is going to help you develop a sense of closure and in future you will know how to avoid such a situation.

4. WRITE IT DOWN

Even thou you are not going to give it away just write everything you feel down. Express every sort of anger and disappointment and pain down. Clarifying how you feel will help you come to terms with the reality as it is now.

5. LET GO OF THE STRESS

Use breathing techniques to soothe yourself. Join a group and do some activities enjoying the company of the people close to you can help you on the way of putting your problems behind you.

6. WORK ON FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Most of the time when we are hurt by the ones we love we give up on love and think we made the biggest mistakes of our lives by being with them that if you were not with them then you wouldn’t be in the situation you are in right now, feeling the pain you are feeling right now. All we can do is just to keep reminding ourselves that we are all human, you are bound to make mistakes I mean everyone else does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

7. DON’T CONSIDER THE TIME PASSED AS LOST

If you take your relationship and the time you spent with that loved one as time wasted or lost then you are underestimating all the amazing things you did. All you have to do is just focus on the positive look at the things you have gained throughout the journey. When you focus on the positive it’s easier to move on. Whatever happened in the past prepared you for now, and now it’s full of opportunities, growth and most of all peace.

8. TAKE SOME TIME OFF

 
If you hop from relationship to relationship then you are basically taking all that moved you from the previous relationship to the next. You need to reconnect with who you were before the relationship, you were strong, happy and satisfied all in one. Remember that person and reconnect with them I mean that person is the one that connected you with your ex made them attracted to you. That person will help you get through this time of pain and loss and will attract someone who is much more amazing in the future.

9. REMEMBER THE BENEFITS OF LETTING GO.

When you let go, you give yourself peace. I know now you feel ashamed, you have regrets, and you somewhat feel guilty, and then you obsess. It’s all normal this is all exercise in suffering. If you want to peacefully move on then quiet all the thoughts that threaten it, like

 “I’ll never be loved again. I will never find me a good guy/girl. I will be lonely forever. I will never fall in love again.”

Why don’t you replace all those thoughts with positivity? Simple examples are:

“This pain will eventually pass like everything else. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.”

Lastly and most importantly

10. BE HAPPY

By now we all know that nothing in life lasts forever right? Every experience and relationship will eventually pay off in the future and you will bear the fruits. Don’t dwell on the past but focus on what you have now and find little things in the moment and enjoy it.

Let’s make an example about letting go.

If you hold a glass of water for a minute it’s no problem. If you hold it for an hour your arm will start to ache. If you hold it for a day your arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case the weight of the glass doesn’t change but the longer you hold on to it the heavier it becomes.

The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer then they start to hurt. And if you think about them all day long you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything. Always remember to put the glass down.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence

Written By: Lesego “Le’Go” Moshodi & Chriz Raymond

Everybody Feels A Pain

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Unpredictable how life is, so are emotions.

Through all the excitement, joy and happiness.

There’s always a pain to arrive, as if there is a scar impossible to mend right on the middle centre of heart.

It erupts like a volcano.

You never know when it shall come, you never know what to do when it has struck you down and you feel hopeless.

Away your happiness fades.

Down there your hope despairs.

Right there you cry.

There’s a time when you feel a mysterious pain and your cute heart is scattered like snow dew.

You then ask for a saint to paint all the pain away.

Being alone is what you prefer.

Distorted is what you referred to, you feel like a part of you is moving away from you hopelessly.

You feel like the whole of you is torn into a million pieces.

And goodbye your happiness kisses.

 

EVERYBODY FEELZ A PAIN

 

Written by Manana Refiloe Setsetse

Nothing Was The Same [Their Story]

It was one Saturday afternoon when she was out with friends doing some shopping. She was most happiest when she was with the girls and doing shopping or out having fun o just chilling talking about everything they liked, well we all know girls won be girls if there wasn’t gossiping involved up in there. But deep down inside she was lonely and needed a man that could take care of her. Friends tried hooking her up with some of their man’s friends but it just didn’t work out, either they cheat, beat her up or don’t give out the necessary attention.

He was just another random “Nerd” as his friends called him. No time for drinks and chilling, he was all about leaving the company he works for and start his own, own a couple of estates, have a family and be the best man he could ever be. Too bad the girls he really liked just were with him for his money and not for his love that he had lots of.

It was God’s plan that they shall meet that day. His friends were hollering at the other girls and while they talked he was sitting alone on the side never minding what  they were up to. Since she was also alone she walked up and set next to him and she said “I hate this. every time we out there has to be some guys on to them and they get laid.” He looked at her and he replied, “I know right, it sucks big time.” At the moment they knew and they felt what was happening between them. He got her number she got his and they promised to keep in contact, this was after they had about 20 minutes of good talk, laughter and a whole lot more. When he arrived at his place he was going up and down with his phone in his hand trying to call this girl that she just met, he couldn’t do it because he was scared that the girl was just like these other ones that were after his money. She was sitting at home waiting on the phone to ring, everybody that called that day had to keep it short because she didn’t want to miss his call. Finally he gathered some balls and hit that dial button. It rang twice and she picked up, that took him off guard as he was still preparing the final touches of his conversation in his head. When it rang she didn’t hesitate to answer when she saw his name on the phone. Her voice said, I have been waiting on you to call and I’m actually glad that you did. They were on the phone for about an hour or so. From there on everything is Life & Physical Science, I’m talking “Chemistry” and “Mating” (lol, I just feel stupid for writing that  last line). They met more and started dating, before you know it parents were involved, she graduated from law school, he bought out the major shareholder at his company,  3 years and 8 months later they were tying the knot ,after that he put a bun in the oven.

It was one Wednesday that he got a call from the Hospital that his wife was in labour. He wasn’t about to miss the opportunity of seeing his first born so he dropped everything at the office and headed to the hospital, he stood by his wife’s side until their little angel was born at 00:47. Greatest thing to ever happen to them, right then and there he promised to take care of his Queen and his little Princess and would never let anything happen to them. By this time he asked  his lovely wife to quit her  job to take care of their daughter and he would be the provider. Their family was perfect, only one child in the household as God has blessed her with an angel. She attended the best schools, got whatever she wanted,  but trust me she was nothing close to a spoilt brat.

The little one had a closer relationship with her mother because daddy was mostly away on business. They talked about everything from dating to girl stuff. Her father didn’t like it that she was starting to date so she dismissed any boy who came over. They were fighting more than they usually do and everything started changing in the house. While she is at home taking care of her child, he is on business trips making out with his P.A, going shopping and doing everything that he doesn’t do with his wife. It didn’t take her too long to find out so she called for divorce. Worst mistake they ever di. One evening during inner they broke the news to their child, she didn’t take it too well. It affected her school work as well as her behaviour. After the divorce was final he agreed that she will keep the child and he will visit every now and then. She changed into something her parents were scared of. Her father moved on real quick and found a new wife

. Her addiction took her mom to a mental breakdown, and it wasn’t long until she passed on. After the funeral her father took her in. It wasn’t really easy for him as he didn’t know much about his little princess. Since her junkie ways had caught up with her she was wearing all sorts of skin showing clothes not knowing that this has his father eyeing her and lusting her. Such a father he is huh?

One night while drunk as it was normal to him now. He creped into his daughters bedroom tied her up and raped her. When he woke up the next morning she was not there and he found a note on the table written by his daughter. [Note can be Found at “Nothing Was The Same”]. He went out to get a drink to ease the pain that he did that to his daughter and her body was up there hanging. While driving his mind was filled with pain and regret, his face was wet from all the crying, he lost focus on the car and next thing you know he was hit by a truck. the head of the truck smashed everything leaving the backseats of the car. His  new wife wasn’t allowed to see him as his body was torn apart. Most painful thing is that she was expecting his kids, twins, they are now to grow up without a father plus their sister is no more.

 

 

Reminder : The actions depicted in this story are all fictious.

 

My Nam Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is My Story!!