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I once met a good girl
But at the time
She had a man yo
Said she couldn’t date me
But we can still be friends doe
Her boyfriend
Hated that kid bro
Treated her just like a hoe
Like she trash all on the floor
He cheated her
With every Fvcking chick
Then goes back to her
Like it ain’t nix dawg
All I ever wanted
Was to punch this kid bruh
But Im chilled
I ain’t with the shvt bruh
The mami game
Was hella proper
Wit the steeze yo
And sometimes I’d look at her
And just wanna hit boi
The fvckboi
Don’t care about her
Anyway
He fvcks her
Then its back
To his cheating ways
He saw a dumb bitch
That’s on call at any time
I saw a dumb kid
That’s busy playing
Wit a dime
She always praying
That she break the cycle
Back at home
Daddy never ever cared
Mommy Fvcking everywhere
Showed her the light
And now the girl is really mine
She found me and knew
That I will always make her smile
I found her and knew
That I will be balling for life
Wont hesitate
To get a ring
Make her my wife
Called me
Her one and only
Her true lover
With me she never lonely
Coz I lover her
And see that
Was all I ever wanted
For her
One fateful day
Im kicking it
Having a jol
Then suddenly my girlfriend
Received a phone call
Its the hospital
Calling bout the fvckboi
Telling her he critical
The car he drove
A write off
She hung up
Broke into tears
Im looking at her
And now im really scared
I asked her what’s wrong
She couldn’t even
Say a word
Grabbed her bag and took off
Left me lying on the bed
I gave chase
Knowing that something is wrong
Caught up
Looked her in the face
And said what’s really going on?
She looked at me and said
I cant really talk about it
Its nothing major
So please baby
Don’t worry bout it
Got in a cab
And headed straight
To the hospital
She pacing in the hall
Coz his chances are minimal
10 minutes later
Homie didn’t make it
He lost alot of blood
And the doctors
Couldn’t help him
She went home
To find her mom with a new man
Locked herself inside her room
Grabbed a paper and a pen
To my dear mother
Im tired and I’ve had enough
I hope you find
A good man
No more new daddy’s Ma
My first love
Is in a better place
They say he was too drunk
And got into a drag race
He was drinking alot
Because of me
If I never left him
He won’t be in that space
He’d still be here
Brushing my hair
Kissing my face
To my dear true love
Chriz Ray
I just wanna let you know
Its been great
Thank you for all the love
And the cheese cake
I hope you find
A girl
That loves you as you did me
Yours truly
Well I can’t say her name
She pulled out a shoe box
With no shoes in it
All it had was a gun
She got in the streets
Tears running down
The cheeks as she held the piece
Said a prayer
And then she put the gun
On her head
A loud bang
Was all her mother ever heard
Ran to her room
And found her dead
On the bed

Something At First Sight

I’ve always had a problem with beginning a story, same as this one. I don’t know where to start but then again I wanna tell you about it.

So just sit back relax and take a journey with me down memory lane. This Is My Story.

The reason the title of this particular piece is “Something” At First Sight is because some feelings you just cant put a name to them.

The same as sex, how does one begin to explain the feeling of sliding the D into the P (as a guy) and having it slide in you (as a girl).

Can’t quite explain it right?

The same as the “Something” at the beginning of my title.

Its when you see someone and you completely start to become hot and cold at the same time. Heart beats rapidly inside your chest, to a point where you can hear you heartbeat in your ears. Your palms are sweaty. You can start to hear yourself breathing heavily and you break a sweat.

At that point you don’t know how exactly you’re feeling and you cant put into words. And that’s just about how I felt.

I was last in a registration queue at one University applying for a semester course, and this is course before the second semester started. I was seated next to a lady who looked to be in her early 30’s, good looking too. In a way she reminded me of “My Cougar”. In her hands she had 2 phones, an iPhone 6s and a Galaxy J5, I couldn’t help but notice that everytime I took my phone out to respond to WhatsApp texts her wyes would lean in a bit and looked at my phone. I was tempted to tell her to mind her business but the queue was long and I didn’t wanna stay silent the whole time, and so I started a conversation about her Apple iPhone and told her liked it. She laughed a bit before saying what most bragging people love to say

“Oh its nothing really”

I smiled and in the back of my mind I was like “Yeah right its nothing”, and that’s how the conversation between me and this here lady started. We spoke for like a good 5 minutes before someone came and sat next to me in line. I didn’t pay much attention to the person who just sat next to me in line because I was busy talking big game with the lady in front of me in line. Our conversation quickly heated up as we were now doing bedroom talk. I asked her if size matters in the bedroom and she laughed before she said “Yes of course size does matter, what do you think” after saying that she turned to the person next to me and asked her the same question I asked her, as she was asking the question I was looking down with a smile, I will tell you why in a moment.
The person next to me responded by saying “Not only size but performance too” and they laughed. I looked at the owner of the angelic voice that just spoke next to me and I got lost in her eyes.
Have you ever looked at someone in the eyes so long that you don’t even realize you’re looking at them?
I got so lost in thought that she started snapping her fingers in front of my face and when I finally came to my senses she was laughing at me and her smile almost instantly put me in flight mode again. “Are you okay?” she asked, “No. Yes. No, wait what did you say?” I replied while rubbing my eyes and shaking my head as if I was trying to come back to my senses. “Are you okay? Need a glass of water? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She said while laughing, “No I’m okay” I replied. The lady I was conversing with tapped me on the shoulder and when I looked over she was smiling like your friend would when they know they played the best wingman or wingwoman (if theres such) part.
She leaned forward as a person would if you talking to a person next to the one you seated with, and she said “Guys if you don’t mind could you please guard my spot for me. The line is long and I have errands to run, I will be back.” Me and the fine girl seated next to me agreed and she took her stuff and left.
Okay before I proceed I would like to rewind to a couple of lines back. Remember when I was smiling looking down and I said I will tell you why? Yep that part, well heres why.
When I asked the lady if size matters I was really expecting to be told where to get off but it didn’t happen. And when I asked the question about size mattering in the bedroom I was actually talking about a bed. Yes you read right I said BED. You guys are dirty minded.
Anyway let me tell you about this here girl that I’m currently seated with.
She was dressed for her body, skinny jeans that exposed her curves, a t-shirt that hugged her and showed her chested self and a jacket.
Black beauty with a killer smile.
Eyes that can make a man confess shit he ain’t even done.
So I introduced myself as Chriz, that’s what I do. And she introduced herself as Ashley, so it was more like introducing ourselves on a Middle Name basis. So me and Ashley started talking about dreams and what we plan to achieve which was interesting.
She is an aspiring Mechanical Engineer, meaning she must be smart as fuck. *laughs* Please pardon my strong language.
So during our conversation I saw a helper and I went and asked her about the reason im at the queue because im already registered. And she helped me real quick and I was done. So after I finished it was whether to go back and chill with Ashley or should I just leave. And guess what I did? Yep I left, end of story. Thank you for reading.

Lmao just playing, of course I went back and chilled with her and told her that im done. She seemed really sad that I was done and asked me to chill with her. She pulled out the girlfriend card, you know when you with your other half and you enjoying the company and they have to leave and so you pull out Puppy Eyes and the works? Yep she did that to me, and because her eyes were so hypnotizing I fell for her tricks and stayed. In my staying she picked up on the sex talk.
And guess what? This little innocent girl is a freak.
But lets not get into that, it was about an hour into our talk when this other couple sat next to us, they said we looked together that time we not even dating, ncaaww so cute man.
So they liked our conversation so much they joined in, and the girl said she took her step brothers virginity. Lol that was too deep for me, I mean they both live under the same roof and the thing that elevated the story is that she later found out the guy is actually her half brother. Lol oh man it was fun but they disturbed me and the beauty next to me.
So we got back to our business and talked more and she told me that she likes me. Well that was too quick, I mean I didn’t get yo use my charms or anything like that. So I thought she meant that she likes talking to me and im a fun guy to be around and so I asked and this was her response
“Oh no silly. What I mean is I really like you, I mean I wanna be with you.”
It took me by surprise that she was so quick into me. And as I was astonished it was her turn to get help, so I told her to meet me outside so I don’t hold up the line.
As I was standing outside I was going through the process of taking this all in. I mean im too ugly to be liked by such a beautiful girl. And as I was taking this all in I was playing my favourite track at that point which is All Eyez by The Game featuring Jeremih. As the track was playing I felt these warm arms around me and it was her. She gave me a warm hug and asked me to walk her to the rank. As we walked out, there was a guy standing with flowers next to a car, well I didn’t see him because I was too busy admiring the beauty of the M4. What made me realize he was there is Ashley, soon as she saw him she said
“Oh my God what is he doing here?”
Keep in mind that I have my arm on her waist and the booty balancing it and she had her arm in the right back pocket coz she kept grabbing my ass. Not that I have it *lmao*
Long story short the guy is the boyfriend and he came to apologise, she said ” Uhm how about I walk you?” Which was strange coz I was the one walking her. So I let her go and we walked side by side quiet until she stopped me, looked me in the eyes and said “I’m really sorry but I didn’t want any of this to happen, I hope you can forgive me and maybe we can meet up sometime. I love you”
Gave me a kiss and went back to her boyfriend. And I walked to my friends place.
I was playing music in my earphones but I never heard what track was playing. I had flashback to when a girl I was in a relationship with for a year left me standing to go get in her boyfriends car, you should’ve heard the pipes of the Golf 6 R when he revved it up and left.
Everything blurred out and it was suddenly all quiet on the way back. I could hear my chest weighing heavy, legs getting wobbly, I started shaking, could feel my heart shatter into pieces and every piece that fell was scarring my soul. I could feel tears piling up in my eyes but nothing came out. Got to the place without talking to anyone and just slept.
Well you thought this was going to be a happy ever after story huh? Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I never saw her again besides we didn’t exchange numbers or Facebook names.
The first part of this piece before going into the actual story was co-written by her, Ashley as she wanted to test my writing skills. She even came up with the Title of this here piece.
That was the last time I ever met a girl that made me feel this way until recently when I met this other beauty but that’s a story for another day.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond and This Is #BrokenSilence

L E T T H E W O R D S S P R A Y
The events and characters depicted in this story are all fiction and just used for pure entertainment

Dear Future Mrs. Raymond [The 9th Letter]

Time :04:12 AM CAT
Date: 14 May 2016

Dear Future Mrs. Raymond

I am writing this letter this morning deeply hurt and in pain. I haven’t slept a bit, I keep tossing and turning.

Usually when its raining I find it real easy to sleep but I’ve had a problem sleeping this morning (well technically it is morning). I have been thinking a lot, about myself, my future and what I would like to achieve in life. Yes, a man on a mission to reach his goals that’s me, but here’s the thing despite me thinking about those, you kept popping up in my head. So I stopped thinking about everything else and the focus turned to you, and when that happened I couldn’t stop the tears from coming out my eyes and falling on the pillow. I know you probably reading this and you’re confused as to whether I had tears of pain or joy coming out my eyes, allow me to indulge you.

These tears are of pain. I wrote letters pleading for you to come forth and reveal yourself. I’ve met a lot of girls whom I thought were you but they weren’t. I’ve been through a lot trying to find you, I broke hearts and I’ve had mine broken in the process.

I recently came across my Primary thru High School crush. Me and her didn’t talk a lot back in the day coz I was scared to approach her but we’ve always been on good terms. Anyway we’ve been talking and we finally had something going on, it was awesome but the matter of fact is that this is the right person for me, but the timing of our meeting wasn’t good because I was sorta seeing someone else.

3 days ago she was raged and she decided we should stop what we were busy with. I tried to accept it and let it all go until I was all alone in the dark searching through the treasures in my mind when it hit me like a football getting closer.

I jumped out of bed and opened my laptop to read all the letters I sent you and I was right I could feel it in my stomach too. The hairs behind my back stood up and I felt my hair clinch like there was Paranormal Activity happening close by. I got mad at myself and I started looking for something sharp just to let all this pain, guilt and anger within me go out. Yes I wanted to self-harm myself the way I was so angry at me.

I turned the light on and looked at myself in the mirror for about 10-20 minutes, my eyes were focused on the man in the mirror while the tears dropped down freely like a waterfall but my mind was busy playing with my emotions. My heart was beating fast so much so I could hear the heartbeat in my ears.

I took my phone and logged into my blog and I went through every letter I ever wrote you and there was only one letter that hit home when I read it.

I realized that this here girl has been the Mrs. Raymond I’ve been looking for all along. I realized that everything I’ve ever written in the letters are true and that’s what has been happening between us all this time.

Isn’t it funny how we never realize the worth of what we have until the point where by we loose it and its hard to get it back? Well its funny how when I get serious its the wrong girl but as soon as I play, I’m playing the right girl.

Let’s take a little trip down memory lane and let me take you back to the first ever “Dear Future Mrs. Raymond” letter posted on the 1st of June 2014, where I said:

“The last thing I want is to meet you and have all this excess baggage that will keep us from being united and grow together. I don’t know who you are, what you look like or what you sound like. I can guarantee that I will be so attracted to you mentally, spiritually, and physically. And I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if that means waiting years to be with you.”

Reading this passage I realized everything I ever said on it is true and she is the one.

I also said:

“Why aren’t we making out right now? Let’s just stay up and pretend to watch a movie before the week starts.

I hope you’re ready for the most random man you have ever met in your life. I can’t wait to fall in love with all the things you hate about yourself so that you can start loving yourself as well.

If enduring pain, braving shame, despising one’s self for the sake of affection and accepting misery without question is the definition of LOVE, then I LOVE YOU Future Mrs. Raymond.”

And after reading it I realized that right now I have just lost you my Mrs. Raymond. I’ve been writing all these letters looking for you and when I finally meet you after years looking I completely mess it up and I lose you. I’m sorry but that just can’t happen, I LOVE you and I wanna be with you.

If being with you means that I should just drop everything else then I’m willing to do it.

If being with you means that I should make up more time just so I can spend it with you then so be it.

All in all what I’m trying to say is that I will do anything possible just to be with you.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond and I lost my Mrs. Raymond. And I’m hoping through this letter and my actions I will get her back.

B R O K E N S I L E N C E
L E T T H E W O R D S S P R A Y

If I Could

“Now I just spend all this time, trying to make you smile. If I could I would go back in time and make things right.”

Those words are repeatedly playing in my head, I would say like a song but those words actually come from a song I did called “If I Could”.

I don’t wanna go into detail about the song coz it just pains me that I went in studio and recorded it the same time I was left.

My name is Chriztopher Raymond and this my letter to you.

First and foremost I would like to apologize to you because in all honesty im the one that put you in the position that you’re in right now. I know you wont believe that “I never meant to hurt you” line because you’ve probably heard it a thousand times before.

This just feels like deja vu. We went through the same thing last time and yet here we are again. Fighting over some other girl that’s ruining our happiness. I cant help but fight back tears as I write you this letter. Im mad at you because you led me to believe that we were never gonna be, that you don’t believe in love anymore because of the heartbreak you’ve been through. But then again I’m mad at myself for the most part because we had a great vibe going on and I just had to ruin it by going back to the same girl as soon as you pushed me aways because I didn’t think you wanted me anymore. And as soon as things were up and running with her you came back like you felt it.

Instead of me pulling you back everytime you pushed me away I actually let you. Stupid me. And I say it again STUPID ME!! Everytime you give me a chance to a better life I keep blowing it, and this is the second time and I highly doubt that you are gonna give me a third one.

Isn’t it ironic how everytime I find the girl I want I just fvck up all because I cant see what she has to offer.

I read a quote that said:

“Men cheat not because they don’t see what they have but because they are paying more attention to what they’re missing rather than what they have”

Now all I ask for is not much, all I ask for is that you let me know how you really feel about me and if there’s anyway in Heaven me and you can be together.

Secondly all I ask for is that you tell me what you want from me, your expectations and everything.

And lastly I ask for your forgiveness and babe wont you please come back home.

“Breaking up is really hard to do. I don’t know what I would be without you. I need you. I need you. Coz I don’t know what I would be without you.”

My Name is Chriztopher Raymond and This Is #BrokenSilence

The River Of My Tears Has Run Dry

A lonely walk it was ,trying to match the footprints in my heart.

The same heart that was fumbled from the first time I learned to love.

I could still see the cracks underneath your fragile heart as well, I could have been there to catch you when you fell but I was caught up in the ideal that I had more cracks than you.

I was caught up in the ideal that love could never be the same

I felt at ease in the mist of your presence,I felt alive through your touch.

I saw a better me in your beautiful brown eyes.

I felt a glimpse of how love felt I almost forgot how it smells like.

How it tastes like.

It tasted like ice cream on a hot day.

It felt like sex on the beach.

It’s scent took after rain on a dry ground.

The love only my heart could relate to.

It would be scattered like snow dew if you were to give up on the foundation of the solid love we built.

I need you more than yesterday.

My perfect rose.

Be my perennial river because my river of tears has run dry. I lost me when I lost you my sweetheart.

Written by Manana Setsetse for Mr. And Mrs. Raymond

Let The Words Spray.

Letting Go

“If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful, it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible-only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too”, when I first heard these words, I grew up. I kept reciting them like I was about to wake up from a dream, it was time, not only for me to accept the things I can’t change but to let go.

I had my first insight of letting go a while back when I figured out intellectually that you let go of everything and then I asked myself

“How do you let go?”

At that time it seemed impossible to let go of anything. I kept on contemplating

“How do you let go?”

Then I would say, “you let go by letting go”. “Well then let go!!”

You know some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go that makes us strong. Then I would say

“But have I let go yet?”

 I went on like that, getting more frustrated, but eventually it became obvious what was happening. If you try to analyze letting go in detail, you get caught up in making it very complicated. It was not something that you could figure out in words anymore, but something you actually did, so I just let go for a moment. Just like that. See letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps us to restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.

In the process of letting go I realized that the only reason I held on to a dead end is because I was longing for the relationship that I wished it could be and I wanted to be in love with the person I wished he was.

Let me ask you something, have you ever had that one person that made you so happy that you started falling madly in love with them and wished they were in some kind of way to fit your needs?
See that’s where we actually go wrong, we fall in love with a person and when they turn out to what we didn’t expect we find it hard to let them go in hopes that they will be what we want.

But I’m not going to go in too deep and make you feel guilty about loving someone too deeply. Let’s all find a way to get through letting go so I have compiled 10 ways to letting go and feeling less pain.

1. FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL INSTEAD OF SOMETHING YOU CANNOT.

Yes you are going to replay memories of you and your loved one over and over again thinking of how it should’ve, would’ve or could’ve have been if you had done something in a different way. You can’t control what happened before but you can control how you move forward from that point on. Hope I’m making sense here.

2. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
What is it that you can do perfectly? I mean that something you are good at? Here’s some therapy for your mind and soul. If you can dance, go to a place alone and put on your headsets and just dance away I promise you are going to feel much better after that. You an artist? Writer? Just find anything you are good at and do it. Clear your mind off of things and just be happy. That’s therapy enough to get you by and it’s priceless.

3. IDENTIFY WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE TAUGHT YOU

This is going to help you develop a sense of closure and in future you will know how to avoid such a situation.

4. WRITE IT DOWN

Even thou you are not going to give it away just write everything you feel down. Express every sort of anger and disappointment and pain down. Clarifying how you feel will help you come to terms with the reality as it is now.

5. LET GO OF THE STRESS

Use breathing techniques to soothe yourself. Join a group and do some activities enjoying the company of the people close to you can help you on the way of putting your problems behind you.

6. WORK ON FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Most of the time when we are hurt by the ones we love we give up on love and think we made the biggest mistakes of our lives by being with them that if you were not with them then you wouldn’t be in the situation you are in right now, feeling the pain you are feeling right now. All we can do is just to keep reminding ourselves that we are all human, you are bound to make mistakes I mean everyone else does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

7. DON’T CONSIDER THE TIME PASSED AS LOST

If you take your relationship and the time you spent with that loved one as time wasted or lost then you are underestimating all the amazing things you did. All you have to do is just focus on the positive look at the things you have gained throughout the journey. When you focus on the positive it’s easier to move on. Whatever happened in the past prepared you for now, and now it’s full of opportunities, growth and most of all peace.

8. TAKE SOME TIME OFF

 
If you hop from relationship to relationship then you are basically taking all that moved you from the previous relationship to the next. You need to reconnect with who you were before the relationship, you were strong, happy and satisfied all in one. Remember that person and reconnect with them I mean that person is the one that connected you with your ex made them attracted to you. That person will help you get through this time of pain and loss and will attract someone who is much more amazing in the future.

9. REMEMBER THE BENEFITS OF LETTING GO.

When you let go, you give yourself peace. I know now you feel ashamed, you have regrets, and you somewhat feel guilty, and then you obsess. It’s all normal this is all exercise in suffering. If you want to peacefully move on then quiet all the thoughts that threaten it, like

 “I’ll never be loved again. I will never find me a good guy/girl. I will be lonely forever. I will never fall in love again.”

Why don’t you replace all those thoughts with positivity? Simple examples are:

“This pain will eventually pass like everything else. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.”

Lastly and most importantly

10. BE HAPPY

By now we all know that nothing in life lasts forever right? Every experience and relationship will eventually pay off in the future and you will bear the fruits. Don’t dwell on the past but focus on what you have now and find little things in the moment and enjoy it.

Let’s make an example about letting go.

If you hold a glass of water for a minute it’s no problem. If you hold it for an hour your arm will start to ache. If you hold it for a day your arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case the weight of the glass doesn’t change but the longer you hold on to it the heavier it becomes.

The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer then they start to hurt. And if you think about them all day long you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything. Always remember to put the glass down.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence

Written By: Lesego “Le’Go” Moshodi & Chriz Raymond

Everybody Feels A Pain

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Unpredictable how life is, so are emotions.

Through all the excitement, joy and happiness.

There’s always a pain to arrive, as if there is a scar impossible to mend right on the middle centre of heart.

It erupts like a volcano.

You never know when it shall come, you never know what to do when it has struck you down and you feel hopeless.

Away your happiness fades.

Down there your hope despairs.

Right there you cry.

There’s a time when you feel a mysterious pain and your cute heart is scattered like snow dew.

You then ask for a saint to paint all the pain away.

Being alone is what you prefer.

Distorted is what you referred to, you feel like a part of you is moving away from you hopelessly.

You feel like the whole of you is torn into a million pieces.

And goodbye your happiness kisses.

 

EVERYBODY FEELZ A PAIN

 

Written by Manana Refiloe Setsetse