Dear Future Mrs. Raymond [The 9th Letter]

Time :04:12 AM CAT
Date: 14 May 2016

Dear Future Mrs. Raymond

I am writing this letter this morning deeply hurt and in pain. I haven’t slept a bit, I keep tossing and turning.

Usually when its raining I find it real easy to sleep but I’ve had a problem sleeping this morning (well technically it is morning). I have been thinking a lot, about myself, my future and what I would like to achieve in life. Yes, a man on a mission to reach his goals that’s me, but here’s the thing despite me thinking about those, you kept popping up in my head. So I stopped thinking about everything else and the focus turned to you, and when that happened I couldn’t stop the tears from coming out my eyes and falling on the pillow. I know you probably reading this and you’re confused as to whether I had tears of pain or joy coming out my eyes, allow me to indulge you.

These tears are of pain. I wrote letters pleading for you to come forth and reveal yourself. I’ve met a lot of girls whom I thought were you but they weren’t. I’ve been through a lot trying to find you, I broke hearts and I’ve had mine broken in the process.

I recently came across my Primary thru High School crush. Me and her didn’t talk a lot back in the day coz I was scared to approach her but we’ve always been on good terms. Anyway we’ve been talking and we finally had something going on, it was awesome but the matter of fact is that this is the right person for me, but the timing of our meeting wasn’t good because I was sorta seeing someone else.

3 days ago she was raged and she decided we should stop what we were busy with. I tried to accept it and let it all go until I was all alone in the dark searching through the treasures in my mind when it hit me like a football getting closer.

I jumped out of bed and opened my laptop to read all the letters I sent you and I was right I could feel it in my stomach too. The hairs behind my back stood up and I felt my hair clinch like there was Paranormal Activity happening close by. I got mad at myself and I started looking for something sharp just to let all this pain, guilt and anger within me go out. Yes I wanted to self-harm myself the way I was so angry at me.

I turned the light on and looked at myself in the mirror for about 10-20 minutes, my eyes were focused on the man in the mirror while the tears dropped down freely like a waterfall but my mind was busy playing with my emotions. My heart was beating fast so much so I could hear the heartbeat in my ears.

I took my phone and logged into my blog and I went through every letter I ever wrote you and there was only one letter that hit home when I read it.

I realized that this here girl has been the Mrs. Raymond I’ve been looking for all along. I realized that everything I’ve ever written in the letters are true and that’s what has been happening between us all this time.

Isn’t it funny how we never realize the worth of what we have until the point where by we loose it and its hard to get it back? Well its funny how when I get serious its the wrong girl but as soon as I play, I’m playing the right girl.

Let’s take a little trip down memory lane and let me take you back to the first ever “Dear Future Mrs. Raymond” letter posted on the 1st of June 2014, where I said:

“The last thing I want is to meet you and have all this excess baggage that will keep us from being united and grow together. I don’t know who you are, what you look like or what you sound like. I can guarantee that I will be so attracted to you mentally, spiritually, and physically. And I will do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if that means waiting years to be with you.”

Reading this passage I realized everything I ever said on it is true and she is the one.

I also said:

“Why aren’t we making out right now? Let’s just stay up and pretend to watch a movie before the week starts.

I hope you’re ready for the most random man you have ever met in your life. I can’t wait to fall in love with all the things you hate about yourself so that you can start loving yourself as well.

If enduring pain, braving shame, despising one’s self for the sake of affection and accepting misery without question is the definition of LOVE, then I LOVE YOU Future Mrs. Raymond.”

And after reading it I realized that right now I have just lost you my Mrs. Raymond. I’ve been writing all these letters looking for you and when I finally meet you after years looking I completely mess it up and I lose you. I’m sorry but that just can’t happen, I LOVE you and I wanna be with you.

If being with you means that I should just drop everything else then I’m willing to do it.

If being with you means that I should make up more time just so I can spend it with you then so be it.

All in all what I’m trying to say is that I will do anything possible just to be with you.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond and I lost my Mrs. Raymond. And I’m hoping through this letter and my actions I will get her back.

B R O K E N S I L E N C E
L E T T H E W O R D S S P R A Y

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#IfOnly

IF I could open up my chest and show you what’s in my heart. See I really love you and i won’t trade the feeling for anything else in the world.

IF I could should you how much you mean to me. I just do all in my power to give you everything you deserve and i sometimes feel like its not enough.

IF I was the perfect boyfriend you imagine having. Do everything right and all, but see im just another human being and im bound to make mistakes.

IF I didn’t fail you. Then I wouldn’t have lost you. Then I wont be writing this note expressing how I feel about you.

IF you were made of glass then I guess I would have treated you better with care and make sure I don’t let you down. Now you shattered in pieces and I cant put them together.

IF I didn’t get tempted to take on another girl then I wont have hurt you. I won’t have threw you away. I wont have threw a girl that would do anything for me. A girl that would get out late just so she could kiss me goodnight and five minutes later come back because she already misses me.

ONLY realized that you mean so much more that I ever imagined when you left.

ONLY realized that you everything that I ever wanted in a girl.

ONLY realized that I should have treated you better.

ONLY realized that i didn’t have to be anything or anyone so that you can appreciate me.

ONLY realized that you loved me for who i am and nothing more.

ONLY realized that all you ever wanted from me was the truth.

ONLY realized that you were the best I ever had because you made me feel whole again. You,made me believe in love again. You reminded me what it is like to be loved. And i thank you for that.

#IFONLY I didn’t work hard to make you happy since i do it effortlessly then I would have realized that what I had before my eyes was a diamond in the rough and i did,t have to go around picking stones then things would’ve been different. I would’ve been a better man and a better boyfriend to you.

#IFOnly I realized that what I had I could lose then wont have done anything stupid to lose it all. And now I have scratched my soul and scarred yours. Hope you forgive me.

I have to tell you this and you need to hear it. I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn’t allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear… Today, because of you… what I learned from you; every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed… and I’ve learned that if you do that, then you’re living your life fully… it doesn’t matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. if not for today, if not for you I would never have known love at all… So thank you for being the person who taught me to love… and to be love.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence

Let The Words Spray

What Could’ve, Would’ve, Should’ve Been

We have been together for a while now. And all I ever wanted was to see you smile. All I ever wanted was for you to be mine. I had you and it was the greatest feeling. I was inlove so much that thoughts of marriage were making me believe in, naking you my wife and having you for the rest of my life.

Everyday with you was perfect. Every moment spent with you was like heaven. Oh yes, GOD has sent me an angel. I prayed for you more than I ever did for me. Loved the way you called me Tumi. You really don’t realise how much you mean to me. Talking all through the day, so that I can be able to get in touch with my baby. The woman of my dreams, one that make my spine have chills. A woman that can turn a bad day into a blissful one. Change the mood from being sad to being the happiest.

But then YOU CHEATED!!! You went behind my back and got back with your ex. I always thought I was the last in you list of next. I always thought you were the best. But then again you turned out to be like the rest. But it’s cool thou GOD forgives. You still say you love me I find that hard to believe. I had so much planned for us but that you couldn’t see.

We could’ve have tied the knot so that I can officialy hit that spot. We would’ve made the longest lasting couple but cause you doubted my love you were seeing double. We should’ve been what other people look for in a relationship, you were not feeling the vibe because you were full of shit.