Anxiety vs. Love (Chapter 1)

Melanie added Shadrack on Facebook not knowing he would end up owning her heart. Melanie posted a picture on Facebook, quoting it “I love myself.”
And he commented “Maybe I love you too”. She did not expect that, she did not know how to reply to that. Melanie decided to inbox Shadrack. Gave him her number and they started talking on WhatsApp Messenger. All this happened during April 2013. They never met each other, they only spoke via WhatsApp Messenger until August 2013.
Kim was the only one who knew about him before August. She is like
Melanie’s sister. They share everything.
Melanie and Shadrack’s first meeting.
Kim and Chantelle went with Melanie to Shadrack’s hood.
Chantelle: I am still angry at you for not telling me about him.
(Chantelle took out her phone and called her boyfriend to tell him she will be unavailable the whole day.)
Kim: JBS girlfriend, we kept this secret from everyone, she only told me a few weeks ago. I am kind of against this meeting.
(Kim looked Melanie and her facial expression was playing with Melanie’s head.)
Melanie: (Melanie stopped them and looked at them.) Okay let me just make this clear for you two. I love this guy although I have never met him. I am not going to let you guys play with my head. I am telling you this guy is legit and I really have it deep for him.
They kept on walking. Melanie was nervous. Kim did not like the idea at all and Chantelle was cool, she was always sticking by Melanie no matter what she decides on. Her words ‘As long as you are happy’. They saw Shadrack…
Melanie went to Shadrack. Kim and Chantelle went their own way.
Shadrack: Hey (He gave Melanie a hug.)
Melanie: Hey

Shadrack and Melanie had it deep for each other. In this chapter they only meet each other. No kissing… Just a friendly hug. Melanie knew when he hugged her. The love is for real.

To Be Continued

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Anxiety vs Love

By: Vaughnay Hlahane

Characters:

Melanie (Main character)
Kim (Melanie’s cousin)
Chantelle (Melanie’s best friend)
Shadrack (Melanie’s boyfriend)
Katy (Shadrack’s other girlfriend)
Miguel (Shadrack’s friend)

This story is about teenage love.

It started with a request on Facebook, and let me say a simple comment…

I fell in love with Shadrack while I was dating somebody else which everyone thought I’d never leave for anyone or anything in this world, but I actually left him for that Shadrack.

As time went on my current boyfriend came across my chats with Shadrack. He realized that I am “cheating” on him. I had to cut all ties with my “one and only Shadrack”.

Things got tough. I got more confused and didn’t know how to handle the situation, but my Shadrack never gave up on me.

It was during the dusty season of August 2013, when I actually realized that I love Shadrack and that I should get him back in my life. One Saturday morning he text me. It is like he knew I was thinking him. I just needed my strength and that’s when I knew he was my weakness…My knight and till today he’s my hero, the one person that would never give up on me and I just hope he realizes the type of role he plays in my life. In this story he leaves me and comes back. I never stopped loving him. He completes me.

To Be Continued…

If I Could

“Now I just spend all this time, trying to make you smile. If I could I would go back in time and make things right.”

Those words are repeatedly playing in my head, I would say like a song but those words actually come from a song I did called “If I Could”.

I don’t wanna go into detail about the song coz it just pains me that I went in studio and recorded it the same time I was left.

My name is Chriztopher Raymond and this my letter to you.

First and foremost I would like to apologize to you because in all honesty im the one that put you in the position that you’re in right now. I know you wont believe that “I never meant to hurt you” line because you’ve probably heard it a thousand times before.

This just feels like deja vu. We went through the same thing last time and yet here we are again. Fighting over some other girl that’s ruining our happiness. I cant help but fight back tears as I write you this letter. Im mad at you because you led me to believe that we were never gonna be, that you don’t believe in love anymore because of the heartbreak you’ve been through. But then again I’m mad at myself for the most part because we had a great vibe going on and I just had to ruin it by going back to the same girl as soon as you pushed me aways because I didn’t think you wanted me anymore. And as soon as things were up and running with her you came back like you felt it.

Instead of me pulling you back everytime you pushed me away I actually let you. Stupid me. And I say it again STUPID ME!! Everytime you give me a chance to a better life I keep blowing it, and this is the second time and I highly doubt that you are gonna give me a third one.

Isn’t it ironic how everytime I find the girl I want I just fvck up all because I cant see what she has to offer.

I read a quote that said:

“Men cheat not because they don’t see what they have but because they are paying more attention to what they’re missing rather than what they have”

Now all I ask for is not much, all I ask for is that you let me know how you really feel about me and if there’s anyway in Heaven me and you can be together.

Secondly all I ask for is that you tell me what you want from me, your expectations and everything.

And lastly I ask for your forgiveness and babe wont you please come back home.

“Breaking up is really hard to do. I don’t know what I would be without you. I need you. I need you. Coz I don’t know what I would be without you.”

My Name is Chriztopher Raymond and This Is #BrokenSilence

Letting Go

“If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful, it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible-only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too”, when I first heard these words, I grew up. I kept reciting them like I was about to wake up from a dream, it was time, not only for me to accept the things I can’t change but to let go.

I had my first insight of letting go a while back when I figured out intellectually that you let go of everything and then I asked myself

“How do you let go?”

At that time it seemed impossible to let go of anything. I kept on contemplating

“How do you let go?”

Then I would say, “you let go by letting go”. “Well then let go!!”

You know some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go that makes us strong. Then I would say

“But have I let go yet?”

 I went on like that, getting more frustrated, but eventually it became obvious what was happening. If you try to analyze letting go in detail, you get caught up in making it very complicated. It was not something that you could figure out in words anymore, but something you actually did, so I just let go for a moment. Just like that. See letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps us to restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.

In the process of letting go I realized that the only reason I held on to a dead end is because I was longing for the relationship that I wished it could be and I wanted to be in love with the person I wished he was.

Let me ask you something, have you ever had that one person that made you so happy that you started falling madly in love with them and wished they were in some kind of way to fit your needs?
See that’s where we actually go wrong, we fall in love with a person and when they turn out to what we didn’t expect we find it hard to let them go in hopes that they will be what we want.

But I’m not going to go in too deep and make you feel guilty about loving someone too deeply. Let’s all find a way to get through letting go so I have compiled 10 ways to letting go and feeling less pain.

1. FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL INSTEAD OF SOMETHING YOU CANNOT.

Yes you are going to replay memories of you and your loved one over and over again thinking of how it should’ve, would’ve or could’ve have been if you had done something in a different way. You can’t control what happened before but you can control how you move forward from that point on. Hope I’m making sense here.

2. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
What is it that you can do perfectly? I mean that something you are good at? Here’s some therapy for your mind and soul. If you can dance, go to a place alone and put on your headsets and just dance away I promise you are going to feel much better after that. You an artist? Writer? Just find anything you are good at and do it. Clear your mind off of things and just be happy. That’s therapy enough to get you by and it’s priceless.

3. IDENTIFY WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE TAUGHT YOU

This is going to help you develop a sense of closure and in future you will know how to avoid such a situation.

4. WRITE IT DOWN

Even thou you are not going to give it away just write everything you feel down. Express every sort of anger and disappointment and pain down. Clarifying how you feel will help you come to terms with the reality as it is now.

5. LET GO OF THE STRESS

Use breathing techniques to soothe yourself. Join a group and do some activities enjoying the company of the people close to you can help you on the way of putting your problems behind you.

6. WORK ON FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Most of the time when we are hurt by the ones we love we give up on love and think we made the biggest mistakes of our lives by being with them that if you were not with them then you wouldn’t be in the situation you are in right now, feeling the pain you are feeling right now. All we can do is just to keep reminding ourselves that we are all human, you are bound to make mistakes I mean everyone else does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

7. DON’T CONSIDER THE TIME PASSED AS LOST

If you take your relationship and the time you spent with that loved one as time wasted or lost then you are underestimating all the amazing things you did. All you have to do is just focus on the positive look at the things you have gained throughout the journey. When you focus on the positive it’s easier to move on. Whatever happened in the past prepared you for now, and now it’s full of opportunities, growth and most of all peace.

8. TAKE SOME TIME OFF

 
If you hop from relationship to relationship then you are basically taking all that moved you from the previous relationship to the next. You need to reconnect with who you were before the relationship, you were strong, happy and satisfied all in one. Remember that person and reconnect with them I mean that person is the one that connected you with your ex made them attracted to you. That person will help you get through this time of pain and loss and will attract someone who is much more amazing in the future.

9. REMEMBER THE BENEFITS OF LETTING GO.

When you let go, you give yourself peace. I know now you feel ashamed, you have regrets, and you somewhat feel guilty, and then you obsess. It’s all normal this is all exercise in suffering. If you want to peacefully move on then quiet all the thoughts that threaten it, like

 “I’ll never be loved again. I will never find me a good guy/girl. I will be lonely forever. I will never fall in love again.”

Why don’t you replace all those thoughts with positivity? Simple examples are:

“This pain will eventually pass like everything else. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.”

Lastly and most importantly

10. BE HAPPY

By now we all know that nothing in life lasts forever right? Every experience and relationship will eventually pay off in the future and you will bear the fruits. Don’t dwell on the past but focus on what you have now and find little things in the moment and enjoy it.

Let’s make an example about letting go.

If you hold a glass of water for a minute it’s no problem. If you hold it for an hour your arm will start to ache. If you hold it for a day your arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case the weight of the glass doesn’t change but the longer you hold on to it the heavier it becomes.

The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer then they start to hurt. And if you think about them all day long you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything. Always remember to put the glass down.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence

Written By: Lesego “Le’Go” Moshodi & Chriz Raymond

Hurt, Heartbroken & Hatred

This is a story about a girl who met a guy when she was 14 years old…She fell in love with him the very first time. They started to know each other but that beauty of a guy turned into a monster.
I’m gonna refer to the guy as “Sean”.

I met Sean on the 10th of April 2013 and I really started to like him cause he seemed to be this loving and kind guy but while that was happening I was in a relationship with another a guy but you know what they say “What he doesn’t hear won’t hurt him” so me and Sean went on and on till the 25th of June 2013 when my boyfriend saw the massages…I was confused but decided to stay with my boyfriend and decided to leave Sean alone.Sean was the only thing on my mind although I was with my boyfriend I just couldn’t get him of my mind although we never met like face to face,as time went on.

On the 20th of August 2013 I broke up with my boyfriend,he cheated and lied to me about he’s whole entire life 😦 but I didn’t show any emotion because my feelings weren’t actually in our relationship. I was weeping for 5days simply cause he lied and fooled me.

On the 25th August 2013 I met Sean for the first time..I only hugged him but that kinda meant a lot cause I was desperate for a hug,so we officially dated…Sean was the most supportive guy I’ve ever met. I got a chance to perform at a event and he was there to support me and at that event we actually had our first kiss :). Sean and I had a lot of fights,but we eventually tried to work things out,his ex tried to brain wash me about him and that didn’t work AT ALL reason being..I loved that guy…He use to say the sweetest stuff to me,always made me feel good about myself.

22 December 2013 was the best,we actually spent almost the whole day together,laughing,talking and just chilling and that was the last time I saw him that kind.

1st January 2014(Our real Break up)
Sean had to move to another town and I just knew he was gonna cheat on me,I know this sounds a bit insecure but I am insecure..so we broke up the morning and the whole day was just sad I couldn’t handle it. I cried a lot that day and the mark he left in my life can’t be removed but the stuff he said to me after our break up is and will forever be UNFORGIVABLE,I guess I was just strong enough to handle that.

3months later…

We made up again and this time I really decided to put my hope in the relationship but I guess to him I’ll always stay senile chick,the one chick that will always be he’s rebound fling…I didn’t care if we DTR(defined the relationship) or not because just being with him made everything okay,and everything felt so right when it was actually wrong. So another chick came in his life and like always I was just left behind,so every time he came back to our town we started dating and God alone knows for how long and than break up but actually that wasn’t dating that was a “Crying Game” for me because I kept on crying and then forgiving him over and over again. Its true what they say “love makes you blind”.

This is a just a short story about a girl who’s been in denial,a girl who’s still crying and questioning herself,a girl who still wonders does he ever think of her,a girl who lives with hurt,who’s heartbroken and who has so much hatred in her and nobody will ever understand why excluding Sean.

If I could get a chance to say something to him I’d say this:

“Thank you for making me this wise girl that I am today,you opened my eyes”

You Left Me HURT,
You Left Me HEARTBROKEN,
And Most Of All With A Lot Of HATRED.

Written by: Vaughnay Hlahane

This Is #BrokenSilence
Let The Words Spray

My Cougar [Part. 8]

When we got out this is how it actually went:
Her: “How have you been?”
Me: “I have been great thanks and yourself?”
Her: “Well I been missing you, didn’t you miss me?”
Me: “I did for a while but I moved on”
Her: “So you are finally over me huh?”
Me: “Cut the B.S woman what is it that you wanted to talk about?”
Her: “Look I am really sorry it’s just that my life hasn’t been the same ever since you walked out of my life. Yes I know I have done some things that killed our relationship and destroyed everything that we built. I just want to let you know that no other guy has ever come close to what you gave to me. I tried moving on several times but I just couldn’t because all the guys I dated weren’t you. All I ever wanted was you, nobody has come into my life and made me feel the way that you did. I know you might probably think that this is the beer talking but to be honest this is all me. I have prayed to God to give me one more chance at meeting you and just to let you know how I feel, I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances that we had to meet but I’m just happy that I found you and I expressed how I feel. I still love you regardless I know you are over me and you probably hate my guts but I would literally do anything to get back with you again.”
While she was saying all this, tears started falling from her eyes. This reminded me of the time we broke up, when those pretty brown eyes were filled with water and her light caramel skin was not the same anymore. See I would be lying if I said her speech didn’t touch a special place deep down in my heart. But I had to snap back to reality and remember how she hurt me this was a moment I call “EXtoLOVER”, allow me to explain this weird term:

It’s just that moment when your ex sees that you are actually doing better in life and you’ve moved on and now that they lost you they desperately want you back in their life because the people they tried to replace you with didn’t give them what they were looking for.

So the chick was standing with me outside crying her heart out expecting sympathy from me which she got a bit of. Dating the girl made me realize 2 things:
1. I wasn’t her only guy
2. It showed me that she is an easy target. Every guy that smooth talks her will end up in her bed.
So while she was busy talking and crying to me one dude came out of the club and when he saw us he immediately approached and in my mind I thought he was going to start a fight and think that I am trying to take his woman away from him, but that wasn’t the case he was just the girls brother and wanted to know what’s wrong. The chick explained and the guy was really happy to finally meet me, he told me that after me and his sister broke up I was the only thing she talked of and this is when it was a family gathering. Somewhat of a plea that I take back his sister even if she had to be my second option he don’t care his sister truly cares for me. I tried explaining that I was no longer available but they weren’t gone listen to me so I was like
“Okay cool. Look lets meet up tomorrow and talk about this, this is not the right time or place to talk about such. So you just be cool and we will meet tomorrow, yea?”
She agreed and I went back inside straight to the bar to get a cold one. While I was sitting at the bar I felt this warm hand over my shoulder going down to my tummy, I looked back and it was the lady of the moment looking beautiful as ever but since she was intoxicated she just wanted to go right there. I told her to go and have fun we will leave soon and she gave me puppy eyes.

Ladies do you know how stupid you look when you are wasted and you try and pull that sad face to a guy that’s not drunk? Well I’m telling you now you should stop it. *laughing *
Anyway she came close to me, pulled me from my seat and started kissing me and trust me ladies and gentlemen this was no ordinary kiss. This was one of those “Let’s get a room and pull a quickie” kind of kiss. I had to stop her because you don’t just do such things in the club. After that she walked to her friends dancing and it looked like she was having the time of her life. I turned back to find a group of girls looking at me, in my head I was thinking that they are looking at someone else so I just ignored them and went back to my beer, which I did but I had that feeling that they were still looking at me so I looked over and they were there still starting at me. I wanted to ask what’s their problem but I figured I won’t be the one to do such if they want to talk they will come over and say whatever they wanted to say. You could tell the chit chat was about me and they were arguing about something so I just continued to ignore them, well this was until two of them decided to come over to where I was sitting. To be honest those girls looked really fly and they were noticeable all over the club I mean you couldn’t possibly miss the beautiful group of fine girls by the bar. They arrive where I’m seated and one was like “Hello, I’m Palesa and this is my friend Lebo” I greeted back and said the name is Chriztopher, I mean we in the club why they coming through to ask who I am. Anyway, they tell me that they have been eyeing on me ever since the moment I walked in and to show that they telling the truth they know my every move. This Palesa chick was like “I saw you walking in holding the phone looking for someone then you went to that table with chicks, went for the bathroom but your journey was cut short by this other girl you went outside with and when you came back you sat here and that lady came and kissed you then here we are” after she said all of that she said “I can’t believe I know everything you did ever since you got here, I’m really sorry but you so attractive and tasty I just made this whole conversation awkward.” Which was true I mean they really had an eye on me. Wait here I am seated and next to me standing are these two fine women and I’ve only been conversing with one, Palesa, what is Lebo saying about all of this? The poor child was just standing here listening to her friend talk. I don’t wanna lie that instantly made me attracted to her than her friend. This sweet, beautiful and gorgeous looking woman who was acting all shy and I just wanted to find out what it is that has me so attracted to her but I couldn’t because this Palesa chick was showing some mad signs that she is into me and she was more than proper but her talking a lot just was a bit of a turn off for me. So I switched my attention to Palesa and I said “Ever since you got here you haven’t said a single word, I can tell that you shy but you can’t honestly be intimidated by someone you don’t know. Well that’s unless you think I’m awesome and you already have a crush on me. Crush at first site maybe?” after I said that I saw her friends face changing at the very same moment, you could tell that she was angry I cut her off and put my focus on her friend. So the chick replied and said “You know for someone who has a girlfriend you sure are a smooth talker. You swept me off my feet before I could even say a word, you must be able to get any girl you want the way you know how to get around a chick” and then she laughed.

 

To Be Continued…

 

My Name Is Chriz Raymond And This Is My Story .

Like I Do

I know I hurt you many times before
Now you want nothing to do with me anymore
Yes, I failed to treat you right
And the feeling isn’t nice
My heart aches when I think of your pain
Like blood on a cloth my soul has a stain
I know you think your new guy is the one
Tell me, has he told you how beautiful you are?
See babe he don’t love you like I do
He don’t touch you like I do
He don’t give that, tender, love & care like I do
He will never, make you, smile & laugh like I do
He just want what’s between them thighs
He will never treat you right
Did he say he really love you?
Well babe believe you me that boy is lying
He loves the lips, hips, ass and that kitty between your legs
He doesn’t really want to give you all his best
Now tell me
Do you go to the mall, or you there, when he only wanna fuck?
Do you take romantic walks or nale yena fela hao khapa?
He ain’t worth it coz deep down baby girl you dying
Does he hold you in his arms everytime you crying?
All I’m saying is that you deserve better, not just a guy that will make you wetter
The guy you claim to love doesn’t feel same about you
I know it might sound painful and you think im speaking out of jealousy but it’s true
You might think you over me but its cool.
He don’t love you like I do.

My Name IS Chriz Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence