Something At First Sight

I’ve always had a problem with beginning a story, same as this one. I don’t know where to start but then again I wanna tell you about it.

So just sit back relax and take a journey with me down memory lane. This Is My Story.

The reason the title of this particular piece is “Something” At First Sight is because some feelings you just cant put a name to them.

The same as sex, how does one begin to explain the feeling of sliding the D into the P (as a guy) and having it slide in you (as a girl).

Can’t quite explain it right?

The same as the “Something” at the beginning of my title.

Its when you see someone and you completely start to become hot and cold at the same time. Heart beats rapidly inside your chest, to a point where you can hear you heartbeat in your ears. Your palms are sweaty. You can start to hear yourself breathing heavily and you break a sweat.

At that point you don’t know how exactly you’re feeling and you cant put into words. And that’s just about how I felt.

I was last in a registration queue at one University applying for a semester course, and this is course before the second semester started. I was seated next to a lady who looked to be in her early 30’s, good looking too. In a way she reminded me of “My Cougar”. In her hands she had 2 phones, an iPhone 6s and a Galaxy J5, I couldn’t help but notice that everytime I took my phone out to respond to WhatsApp texts her wyes would lean in a bit and looked at my phone. I was tempted to tell her to mind her business but the queue was long and I didn’t wanna stay silent the whole time, and so I started a conversation about her Apple iPhone and told her liked it. She laughed a bit before saying what most bragging people love to say

“Oh its nothing really”

I smiled and in the back of my mind I was like “Yeah right its nothing”, and that’s how the conversation between me and this here lady started. We spoke for like a good 5 minutes before someone came and sat next to me in line. I didn’t pay much attention to the person who just sat next to me in line because I was busy talking big game with the lady in front of me in line. Our conversation quickly heated up as we were now doing bedroom talk. I asked her if size matters in the bedroom and she laughed before she said “Yes of course size does matter, what do you think” after saying that she turned to the person next to me and asked her the same question I asked her, as she was asking the question I was looking down with a smile, I will tell you why in a moment.
The person next to me responded by saying “Not only size but performance too” and they laughed. I looked at the owner of the angelic voice that just spoke next to me and I got lost in her eyes.
Have you ever looked at someone in the eyes so long that you don’t even realize you’re looking at them?
I got so lost in thought that she started snapping her fingers in front of my face and when I finally came to my senses she was laughing at me and her smile almost instantly put me in flight mode again. “Are you okay?” she asked, “No. Yes. No, wait what did you say?” I replied while rubbing my eyes and shaking my head as if I was trying to come back to my senses. “Are you okay? Need a glass of water? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She said while laughing, “No I’m okay” I replied. The lady I was conversing with tapped me on the shoulder and when I looked over she was smiling like your friend would when they know they played the best wingman or wingwoman (if theres such) part.
She leaned forward as a person would if you talking to a person next to the one you seated with, and she said “Guys if you don’t mind could you please guard my spot for me. The line is long and I have errands to run, I will be back.” Me and the fine girl seated next to me agreed and she took her stuff and left.
Okay before I proceed I would like to rewind to a couple of lines back. Remember when I was smiling looking down and I said I will tell you why? Yep that part, well heres why.
When I asked the lady if size matters I was really expecting to be told where to get off but it didn’t happen. And when I asked the question about size mattering in the bedroom I was actually talking about a bed. Yes you read right I said BED. You guys are dirty minded.
Anyway let me tell you about this here girl that I’m currently seated with.
She was dressed for her body, skinny jeans that exposed her curves, a t-shirt that hugged her and showed her chested self and a jacket.
Black beauty with a killer smile.
Eyes that can make a man confess shit he ain’t even done.
So I introduced myself as Chriz, that’s what I do. And she introduced herself as Ashley, so it was more like introducing ourselves on a Middle Name basis. So me and Ashley started talking about dreams and what we plan to achieve which was interesting.
She is an aspiring Mechanical Engineer, meaning she must be smart as fuck. *laughs* Please pardon my strong language.
So during our conversation I saw a helper and I went and asked her about the reason im at the queue because im already registered. And she helped me real quick and I was done. So after I finished it was whether to go back and chill with Ashley or should I just leave. And guess what I did? Yep I left, end of story. Thank you for reading.

Lmao just playing, of course I went back and chilled with her and told her that im done. She seemed really sad that I was done and asked me to chill with her. She pulled out the girlfriend card, you know when you with your other half and you enjoying the company and they have to leave and so you pull out Puppy Eyes and the works? Yep she did that to me, and because her eyes were so hypnotizing I fell for her tricks and stayed. In my staying she picked up on the sex talk.
And guess what? This little innocent girl is a freak.
But lets not get into that, it was about an hour into our talk when this other couple sat next to us, they said we looked together that time we not even dating, ncaaww so cute man.
So they liked our conversation so much they joined in, and the girl said she took her step brothers virginity. Lol that was too deep for me, I mean they both live under the same roof and the thing that elevated the story is that she later found out the guy is actually her half brother. Lol oh man it was fun but they disturbed me and the beauty next to me.
So we got back to our business and talked more and she told me that she likes me. Well that was too quick, I mean I didn’t get yo use my charms or anything like that. So I thought she meant that she likes talking to me and im a fun guy to be around and so I asked and this was her response
“Oh no silly. What I mean is I really like you, I mean I wanna be with you.”
It took me by surprise that she was so quick into me. And as I was astonished it was her turn to get help, so I told her to meet me outside so I don’t hold up the line.
As I was standing outside I was going through the process of taking this all in. I mean im too ugly to be liked by such a beautiful girl. And as I was taking this all in I was playing my favourite track at that point which is All Eyez by The Game featuring Jeremih. As the track was playing I felt these warm arms around me and it was her. She gave me a warm hug and asked me to walk her to the rank. As we walked out, there was a guy standing with flowers next to a car, well I didn’t see him because I was too busy admiring the beauty of the M4. What made me realize he was there is Ashley, soon as she saw him she said
“Oh my God what is he doing here?”
Keep in mind that I have my arm on her waist and the booty balancing it and she had her arm in the right back pocket coz she kept grabbing my ass. Not that I have it *lmao*
Long story short the guy is the boyfriend and he came to apologise, she said ” Uhm how about I walk you?” Which was strange coz I was the one walking her. So I let her go and we walked side by side quiet until she stopped me, looked me in the eyes and said “I’m really sorry but I didn’t want any of this to happen, I hope you can forgive me and maybe we can meet up sometime. I love you”
Gave me a kiss and went back to her boyfriend. And I walked to my friends place.
I was playing music in my earphones but I never heard what track was playing. I had flashback to when a girl I was in a relationship with for a year left me standing to go get in her boyfriends car, you should’ve heard the pipes of the Golf 6 R when he revved it up and left.
Everything blurred out and it was suddenly all quiet on the way back. I could hear my chest weighing heavy, legs getting wobbly, I started shaking, could feel my heart shatter into pieces and every piece that fell was scarring my soul. I could feel tears piling up in my eyes but nothing came out. Got to the place without talking to anyone and just slept.
Well you thought this was going to be a happy ever after story huh? Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I never saw her again besides we didn’t exchange numbers or Facebook names.
The first part of this piece before going into the actual story was co-written by her, Ashley as she wanted to test my writing skills. She even came up with the Title of this here piece.
That was the last time I ever met a girl that made me feel this way until recently when I met this other beauty but that’s a story for another day.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond and This Is #BrokenSilence

L E T T H E W O R D S S P R A Y
The events and characters depicted in this story are all fiction and just used for pure entertainment

The River Of My Tears Has Run Dry

A lonely walk it was ,trying to match the footprints in my heart.

The same heart that was fumbled from the first time I learned to love.

I could still see the cracks underneath your fragile heart as well, I could have been there to catch you when you fell but I was caught up in the ideal that I had more cracks than you.

I was caught up in the ideal that love could never be the same

I felt at ease in the mist of your presence,I felt alive through your touch.

I saw a better me in your beautiful brown eyes.

I felt a glimpse of how love felt I almost forgot how it smells like.

How it tastes like.

It tasted like ice cream on a hot day.

It felt like sex on the beach.

It’s scent took after rain on a dry ground.

The love only my heart could relate to.

It would be scattered like snow dew if you were to give up on the foundation of the solid love we built.

I need you more than yesterday.

My perfect rose.

Be my perennial river because my river of tears has run dry. I lost me when I lost you my sweetheart.

Written by Manana Setsetse for Mr. And Mrs. Raymond

Let The Words Spray.

Letting Go

“If you suffer it is because of you, if you feel blissful, it is because of you. Nobody else is responsible-only you and you alone. You are your hell and your heaven too”, when I first heard these words, I grew up. I kept reciting them like I was about to wake up from a dream, it was time, not only for me to accept the things I can’t change but to let go.

I had my first insight of letting go a while back when I figured out intellectually that you let go of everything and then I asked myself

“How do you let go?”

At that time it seemed impossible to let go of anything. I kept on contemplating

“How do you let go?”

Then I would say, “you let go by letting go”. “Well then let go!!”

You know some of us think holding on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go that makes us strong. Then I would say

“But have I let go yet?”

 I went on like that, getting more frustrated, but eventually it became obvious what was happening. If you try to analyze letting go in detail, you get caught up in making it very complicated. It was not something that you could figure out in words anymore, but something you actually did, so I just let go for a moment. Just like that. See letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps us to restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.

In the process of letting go I realized that the only reason I held on to a dead end is because I was longing for the relationship that I wished it could be and I wanted to be in love with the person I wished he was.

Let me ask you something, have you ever had that one person that made you so happy that you started falling madly in love with them and wished they were in some kind of way to fit your needs?
See that’s where we actually go wrong, we fall in love with a person and when they turn out to what we didn’t expect we find it hard to let them go in hopes that they will be what we want.

But I’m not going to go in too deep and make you feel guilty about loving someone too deeply. Let’s all find a way to get through letting go so I have compiled 10 ways to letting go and feeling less pain.

1. FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL INSTEAD OF SOMETHING YOU CANNOT.

Yes you are going to replay memories of you and your loved one over and over again thinking of how it should’ve, would’ve or could’ve have been if you had done something in a different way. You can’t control what happened before but you can control how you move forward from that point on. Hope I’m making sense here.

2. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS
What is it that you can do perfectly? I mean that something you are good at? Here’s some therapy for your mind and soul. If you can dance, go to a place alone and put on your headsets and just dance away I promise you are going to feel much better after that. You an artist? Writer? Just find anything you are good at and do it. Clear your mind off of things and just be happy. That’s therapy enough to get you by and it’s priceless.

3. IDENTIFY WHAT THIS EXPERIENCE TAUGHT YOU

This is going to help you develop a sense of closure and in future you will know how to avoid such a situation.

4. WRITE IT DOWN

Even thou you are not going to give it away just write everything you feel down. Express every sort of anger and disappointment and pain down. Clarifying how you feel will help you come to terms with the reality as it is now.

5. LET GO OF THE STRESS

Use breathing techniques to soothe yourself. Join a group and do some activities enjoying the company of the people close to you can help you on the way of putting your problems behind you.

6. WORK ON FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Most of the time when we are hurt by the ones we love we give up on love and think we made the biggest mistakes of our lives by being with them that if you were not with them then you wouldn’t be in the situation you are in right now, feeling the pain you are feeling right now. All we can do is just to keep reminding ourselves that we are all human, you are bound to make mistakes I mean everyone else does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

7. DON’T CONSIDER THE TIME PASSED AS LOST

If you take your relationship and the time you spent with that loved one as time wasted or lost then you are underestimating all the amazing things you did. All you have to do is just focus on the positive look at the things you have gained throughout the journey. When you focus on the positive it’s easier to move on. Whatever happened in the past prepared you for now, and now it’s full of opportunities, growth and most of all peace.

8. TAKE SOME TIME OFF

 
If you hop from relationship to relationship then you are basically taking all that moved you from the previous relationship to the next. You need to reconnect with who you were before the relationship, you were strong, happy and satisfied all in one. Remember that person and reconnect with them I mean that person is the one that connected you with your ex made them attracted to you. That person will help you get through this time of pain and loss and will attract someone who is much more amazing in the future.

9. REMEMBER THE BENEFITS OF LETTING GO.

When you let go, you give yourself peace. I know now you feel ashamed, you have regrets, and you somewhat feel guilty, and then you obsess. It’s all normal this is all exercise in suffering. If you want to peacefully move on then quiet all the thoughts that threaten it, like

 “I’ll never be loved again. I will never find me a good guy/girl. I will be lonely forever. I will never fall in love again.”

Why don’t you replace all those thoughts with positivity? Simple examples are:

“This pain will eventually pass like everything else. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.”

Lastly and most importantly

10. BE HAPPY

By now we all know that nothing in life lasts forever right? Every experience and relationship will eventually pay off in the future and you will bear the fruits. Don’t dwell on the past but focus on what you have now and find little things in the moment and enjoy it.

Let’s make an example about letting go.

If you hold a glass of water for a minute it’s no problem. If you hold it for an hour your arm will start to ache. If you hold it for a day your arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case the weight of the glass doesn’t change but the longer you hold on to it the heavier it becomes.

The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer then they start to hurt. And if you think about them all day long you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything. Always remember to put the glass down.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence

Written By: Lesego “Le’Go” Moshodi & Chriz Raymond

#IfOnly

IF I could open up my chest and show you what’s in my heart. See I really love you and i won’t trade the feeling for anything else in the world.

IF I could should you how much you mean to me. I just do all in my power to give you everything you deserve and i sometimes feel like its not enough.

IF I was the perfect boyfriend you imagine having. Do everything right and all, but see im just another human being and im bound to make mistakes.

IF I didn’t fail you. Then I wouldn’t have lost you. Then I wont be writing this note expressing how I feel about you.

IF you were made of glass then I guess I would have treated you better with care and make sure I don’t let you down. Now you shattered in pieces and I cant put them together.

IF I didn’t get tempted to take on another girl then I wont have hurt you. I won’t have threw you away. I wont have threw a girl that would do anything for me. A girl that would get out late just so she could kiss me goodnight and five minutes later come back because she already misses me.

ONLY realized that you mean so much more that I ever imagined when you left.

ONLY realized that you everything that I ever wanted in a girl.

ONLY realized that I should have treated you better.

ONLY realized that i didn’t have to be anything or anyone so that you can appreciate me.

ONLY realized that you loved me for who i am and nothing more.

ONLY realized that all you ever wanted from me was the truth.

ONLY realized that you were the best I ever had because you made me feel whole again. You,made me believe in love again. You reminded me what it is like to be loved. And i thank you for that.

#IFONLY I didn’t work hard to make you happy since i do it effortlessly then I would have realized that what I had before my eyes was a diamond in the rough and i did,t have to go around picking stones then things would’ve been different. I would’ve been a better man and a better boyfriend to you.

#IFOnly I realized that what I had I could lose then wont have done anything stupid to lose it all. And now I have scratched my soul and scarred yours. Hope you forgive me.

I have to tell you this and you need to hear it. I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn’t allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear… Today, because of you… what I learned from you; every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed… and I’ve learned that if you do that, then you’re living your life fully… it doesn’t matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. if not for today, if not for you I would never have known love at all… So thank you for being the person who taught me to love… and to be love.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is #BrokenSilence

Let The Words Spray

Hurt, Heartbroken & Hatred

This is a story about a girl who met a guy when she was 14 years old…She fell in love with him the very first time. They started to know each other but that beauty of a guy turned into a monster.
I’m gonna refer to the guy as “Sean”.

I met Sean on the 10th of April 2013 and I really started to like him cause he seemed to be this loving and kind guy but while that was happening I was in a relationship with another a guy but you know what they say “What he doesn’t hear won’t hurt him” so me and Sean went on and on till the 25th of June 2013 when my boyfriend saw the massages…I was confused but decided to stay with my boyfriend and decided to leave Sean alone.Sean was the only thing on my mind although I was with my boyfriend I just couldn’t get him of my mind although we never met like face to face,as time went on.

On the 20th of August 2013 I broke up with my boyfriend,he cheated and lied to me about he’s whole entire life 😦 but I didn’t show any emotion because my feelings weren’t actually in our relationship. I was weeping for 5days simply cause he lied and fooled me.

On the 25th August 2013 I met Sean for the first time..I only hugged him but that kinda meant a lot cause I was desperate for a hug,so we officially dated…Sean was the most supportive guy I’ve ever met. I got a chance to perform at a event and he was there to support me and at that event we actually had our first kiss :). Sean and I had a lot of fights,but we eventually tried to work things out,his ex tried to brain wash me about him and that didn’t work AT ALL reason being..I loved that guy…He use to say the sweetest stuff to me,always made me feel good about myself.

22 December 2013 was the best,we actually spent almost the whole day together,laughing,talking and just chilling and that was the last time I saw him that kind.

1st January 2014(Our real Break up)
Sean had to move to another town and I just knew he was gonna cheat on me,I know this sounds a bit insecure but I am insecure..so we broke up the morning and the whole day was just sad I couldn’t handle it. I cried a lot that day and the mark he left in my life can’t be removed but the stuff he said to me after our break up is and will forever be UNFORGIVABLE,I guess I was just strong enough to handle that.

3months later…

We made up again and this time I really decided to put my hope in the relationship but I guess to him I’ll always stay senile chick,the one chick that will always be he’s rebound fling…I didn’t care if we DTR(defined the relationship) or not because just being with him made everything okay,and everything felt so right when it was actually wrong. So another chick came in his life and like always I was just left behind,so every time he came back to our town we started dating and God alone knows for how long and than break up but actually that wasn’t dating that was a “Crying Game” for me because I kept on crying and then forgiving him over and over again. Its true what they say “love makes you blind”.

This is a just a short story about a girl who’s been in denial,a girl who’s still crying and questioning herself,a girl who still wonders does he ever think of her,a girl who lives with hurt,who’s heartbroken and who has so much hatred in her and nobody will ever understand why excluding Sean.

If I could get a chance to say something to him I’d say this:

“Thank you for making me this wise girl that I am today,you opened my eyes”

You Left Me HURT,
You Left Me HEARTBROKEN,
And Most Of All With A Lot Of HATRED.

Written by: Vaughnay Hlahane

This Is #BrokenSilence
Let The Words Spray

Nothing Will Ever Be The Same

It was one winter afternoon when I was walking down the road and I laid my eyes upon the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in a long time. She was not the typical chubby Mamie, she was just something else. Ever looked at someone and you just couldn’t get your eyes off them? I mean like have you ever looked at someone and you just turned into stone? Well that’s what she did to me. Where are my manners, let me tell you what I saw:

She had on a black dress, a blue jacket & some high heels [I don’t know what you girls call them but you get what I am trying to say]. Even thou she was short she had legs for days & months to come. She had these pretty brown eyes, chubby cheeks and a pair of twins I would just sleep on the whole night. I’m giving away too much information, you get the picture.
I was completely struck by love at first sight and in my heart I already knew that I wanted to be with her and have her as my girlfriend. So after that day I saw her walking in the distance I told myself that the next time I see her again I am going to make my move. This is when I started planning conversations in my head, imagined her laughing and giving me that sweet smile she had. So me not seeing her more often drove me to a point of no return, a point where all I saw was her, I dreamt of her, I imagined dating her already. I tried every means of trying to find who she was around social networks, narrowed searches to impossible limits I was just literally going crazy because of this girl. This is when I started to give up and I told myself that I won’t be seeing her again nor get to know her name and whatever happens after.
Right after I gave up I started having these dreams, creepy but I loved them. Dreams that she and I were an item and we had a happy relationship. I remember having this one dream whereby she took my phone and put her numbers in and saved it under a sweet name like “Future Wife” or something like that. It made me so happy that I woke up with a big smile on my face and started going through my phone contacts to try and see if it was really real or it was only a dream and to my disappointment it was only just a dream. So from there on the dreams started torturing my soul, during the day I was just a normal every day guy who had this big hole in his heart but hid it from the world to see. The hole was more like a missing part of the puzzle that will complete me and at that moment the only thing that could fill it up was this mystery girl. One I didn’t know whether I will or won’t see again. By the night time when I laid my head on the pillow I was as a happy as I could be, this pushed me to have suicidal thoughts. I mean I was happier when I slept than when I was awake. Like they say:

“To live doesn’t meant that you’re alive.”
I mean what was the use of me getting up every day and all I did for the whole day was just hope time travels fast so it could be night time then I can spend some time with the lady in my dreams. I know it might just sound like I am crazy but I guess love at first sight has never struck you like it has struck me.
Now tell me have you ever made eye contact with a complete stranger and during that time everybody in the room cleared and all you could see is them? They smile at you and you automatically smile back? You try to shy away by looking down but when you look their way they are still looking at you? Ever felt at peace and just basically at ease by the eyes of a stranger?
Yes you have or maybe you haven’t? Don’t worry it’s okay, even what I explained above doesn’t even come close to defining how seeing that girl that day completely changed my life.
One fateful day I decided that life was not for me anymore ever since I just couldn’t find that one person that could fill up that hole in my heart. So there I was walking through a busy intersection hoping for one speeding car to come hit me and end my life right then and there but that didn’t happen. I walked through the most dangerous places of the city at a bad time hoping thugs would want to mug me and when they discover that I have nothing they will just stab me and run so I would lie there and just die, but that didn’t happen they were greeting me like we‘ve known each other for a while. I went to clubs to make trouble so that someone could just get pissed off and stab me with a bottle or something but that didn’t happen, matter of fact most people decided I should come down, go sit with them and they offered me booze. So it was just down to one more option, go to the nearest bridge during rush hour and just jump. Sounds like a great plan I mean no one will be nice to me and cool things off, nobody will be there to see me so I would just get hit by a speeding car, hit the tar road hard and just die instantly.
The day started as usual and when the time for rush hour came I was on my way to the bridge to end my life that wasn’t worth living anymore. Have you ever had that feeling when you walk that there’s someone trying to stop you? You hear all the whistling but one just sounds like it is aimed at you? Well I heard someone whistling and it sure sounded like it was aimed at me so I looked back and when I did almost immediately I saw this girl waving at me and giving me hand signals that I should stop. I looked around and I was just the only one on that side of the road so I slowed down in order to see who it was and what she wanted from me. As she came closer and closer I just couldn’t believe my eyes, this was my mystery girl and she was walking my way, stopped me while I was on the road to meet my maker. This must have been a sign from God that I wasn’t supposed to end my life there was just more to life and I just had to see it. While I was busy thinking all these stupid things she was already here and the conversation went on like this:
Her: Hi
Me: H….e…l…l…o
Her: *chuckles* I’m sorry to bother you but I have been seeing you lately and I just couldn’t help but think I know you from somewhere.
Let’s just stop there for a moment and just reflect at the state of mind I was in. This was like having your crush walk up to you and start saying things but all you hear is “I love you. I love you. I love you”. I just thought I should bring you up to speed to how I felt at that moment… Anyway…
Me: I’m sorry you must be mistaking me for someone else. I am not who you think I am.
Her: GIFT, your name is Mpho right?
Me: *astonished* How did you know my name?
Her: Look this is not going the way I planned it but all I want to say to you is that, I really like you and I just want to get to know you better. But if you don’t want the same then I will understand.
After she said that I paused for a while and I just couldn’t think of anything I wanted more than to just be with her, I mean she was all I ever wanted from the moment I laid my eyes upon her. Truth be told she still looked as fine as she did from the last moment I saw her only difference was that now she was close and was having a conversation with me and most of the time when she spoke I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Anyway…
Me: Okay look you know my name and I don’t know yours and now you talking about getting to know me like you’ve been seeing me around. Know what fine then I wouldn’t mind getting to know you better.
Her: I’m sorry I was just too forward I even forgot to introduce myself. The name is Mpolokeng and here are my numbers feel free to call me at any time you want to meet. See you around.

With that being said she left and I was left sweating like I have been running from something. I was speechless and in my head all I could think of was that, dreams really do come true. Instead of going ahead with the plan of jumping off a bridge I just decided that I will be going back home and just reflect on what just happened but before that I picked up a brick and had it make a free fall from my hand to my foot just to make sure that this wasn’t one of those dreams where you wake up and feel like it happened. That was one of the dumbest things I did. Who in their right minds just throws a brick at their foot to make sure they’re not sleeping? What happened to pinching yourself so you know it’s real? So there I was walking home limping. Only when I arrived at my room did I get the opportunity to just celebrate victory, I mean when I went out and left the aim was to go and end my life but hey look who’s back in the same room he left to kill himself a while ago? I guess God had bigger plans for me, I mean He didn’t end my life when I tried a couple of days ago because He was going to make my dreams come true, which happened and I am so glad it did.

So there I was running up and down looking at my phone thinking whether I should or I shouldn’t call the girl. What does she think of me? Will she want to meet up with me? I had all sorts of questions I asked myself but the answer to all of them lied in me pressing that dial button. After some time I decided I should just do it, which I did. When she answered I almost immediately hung up but she was cool and we just talked and decided to meet up immediately. So I quickly got changed and went to meet up with this chick, I arrived at the spot she wanted us to meet and she wasn’t there yet so I figured that I was rushing maybe she is on her way. Little did I know that after the call she was freshening up so that when she meets me, she smells & looks superb if you know what I mean? I waited for about 15-20 minutes before she actually showed up. I was already thinking that she sold me dreams and she wasn’t gone show up but I was wrong the time I actually stood there waiting for her actually paid off, I mean when she showed up she looked amazing. I couldn’t believe my eyes I didn’t even recognize her, so she walked up to me and gave me this long warm hug. That “I haven’t seen you in a while” kind of hug, that “oh baby I really missed you” kind of hug if you know what I mean.
We took a walk getting to know each other better, shared a laugh, played around a little bit until she told me that she has been eyeing me and she would most definitely love to get a taste of me and before I could even think of how to respond to her she was already kissing me and so we kissed for a while until she told me that she loved me. Funny enough I was about to say the same thing but I was scared to say it and she did. We went through everything and made sure that we were on the same page and from that moment on we were dating. I walked her to where she lives and she was really ecstatic that we were finally an item, she was more happy than I was. Which made me think that she has been looking at me for a long time and she did some background check on me and when she saw me she made sure that she would express how she feels. It’s just amazing what can happen in just 2 hours, if I had to rewind to 2 hours earlier I was about to jump off a bridge and possibly end my life, fast forward 2 hours later the girl of my dreams is now in my arms and now the lady in my life. I was happy that finally that little hole that was in my heart was finally filled by the same person I wanted it to be. It was just like one of those moments whereby you want something really bad and when you get it everything just falls into place. But want to know what ticks me off about wanting something so bad? It’s the fact that once you get it you are happy for a few days and the next day you don’t want it anymore. Why we do this you ask? Simple, because when you want something you picture stuff to do with it. You tell yourself that if you get it you are going to do this and this and that with it. What’s the first thing you do when you get it? Do all the stuff you said you would it gets boring after a while and soon you don’t see the need for it. This is exactly what happened to me and Mpolokeng. I was so eager to get her and when I did I know I was happy and I wanted to do so many things with her which I did but after a month of us dating everything started changing. I wasn’t as interested in her as I was a month ago I mean I done did all the things I have always wanted with her and now it all seemed just worthless. So we started arguing more than we had a good time, I saw her crying more than I saw her smiling, she was always in depressed mode more that she was in that happy mode. This is when I came to realize that I literally just messed everything up for the both of us. I was supposed to be that boyfriend who understands, loves, listens, encourages and is always there for someone, I was but my actions didn’t prove anything. I was busy telling her how much I love her but all this time I was breaking her heart. I guess it’s true when they say “We are hurt by the people we love the most.” We attempted breaking up a few times but I was always fighting so that it doesn’t happen because this here girl made me whole. The more I fought for us to not separate the more pain I brought into the relationship. She finally reached a point of no return, in a relationship you guys can go through thick and thin but I was taking her through hell and this was not what she was looking forward to when she approached me that day. So I guess I’m not too good with women and I will never be, so when it comes to women nothing will ever be the same. I guess I am cursed.

 

All I’m saying is that I put too much thought into having a relationship with this girl and there’s nothing wrong about that. What was wrong was me putting this poor girl on a high pedestal. If you want things to work out between you and your partner then you should never expect more from them. Whatever your expectations are you better remove them. You never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, I mean they might meet someone they are more comfortable with than you the next day and leave you. So always make sure that you elevate your partner to the highest point possible, because then they will be less available to other people. So treat your loved one like a King/Queen and just make the most of your relationship with them. If you don’t treat them right someone else will.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is My Story.

Love Sick (Part. 3) [The Break-Up Edition]

People fall in love every day, whether its love at first sight or it’s that long lasting crush you have always had on a person. That moment of complete silence when they say “Hello” or ask you for something, that moment of fighting with yourself for acting stupid to someone who clearly has this kind of hook onto you and you always think of having a relationship with.

Dating a person and then comes that pure bliss, whereby you are just madly in love with this person and no matter what people say you don’t care because you are finally happy and you got what you have always hoped for. You have those great moments where you start at the “Know Each Other” Stage, you truly find out what this person is all about and what are the things that you might have in common with them and when you do completely unbelievable, what funny is that you never get to fully understand the person until that moment where by you learn something new about them and every time you learn something new it’s just another reason that makes you fall for them even more.

Then we have that stage whereby you are completely “Love Struck”. You have sleepless nights because you just rushing for the next day so you can spend it with them. You spend most of your time smiling with your phone because you can already see their face when you are reading the text. The moment whereby if they blow you a kiss over the phone you can somehow feel it as if they are with you in spirit and they actually did kiss you.

Then we start getting to that “Insecure\ Drift Away” stage. This is where by you start fighting and it just tears you apart. You still want to be with them but what they doing to you is just too painful for the soul to bear but the heart is an extraordinary organ, even thou its torn apart through the broken pieces you search for that one that is whole and you forgive them because they promised “They won’t do it again”. So you forgive them and things are great between you two but it is not like before because there’s still that part of you that hates them. Until this moment, I had not realized that someone could break your heart twice, along the very same fault lines.

And then we have that painful stage of the road “Separate/ Break –Up” phase. When it comes to this part of the road things go from being sweet to sour. If a person is to sneeze near you, you hate it, you just hate everything about them. This where you go pillow talking with the sheets and you just lie there and no matter how hard you try the tears just come out and you just can’t help it. You go through conversations trying to see what went wrong with you guys but nothing just adds up all that you are doing is just hurting yourself. Lips that taste of tears, they say are the best for kissing, I guess that is why we find comfort in fooling around after a break up before we find that ONE. There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can” live without but have to let go.
They say that if you love someone you should let them go, but they never say what to do when they don’t come back.

We all know the phases by now, let’s talk of the aftermath.

See some people will just have you thinking that they really never had that love for you, get you thinking that they never really loved you the way that you love them. Like they were just pretending to put in the effort in the relationship while they really weren’t. There’s a difference between letting go, and pretending you’ve forgotten. When you let go you are accepting that it happened, it was a lesson and now it’s time to be strong enough to move on, not rush into something but taking time to mourn the relationship and moving on. Pretending that you have forgotten will just mess you up, play with your mind and kill you internally. It will give you this sharp pain in your chest because you will try and get over the person quick, jump into many relationships that will not work out because they just don’t give you that special feeling that the previous person did. The toughest part of letting go is realizing that the other person already did. So you just stand there and watch them walk away from everything you had. But you still mean every word you said to them. They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.

You know as a person sometimes you must forget what you feel and remember what you deserve. No matter how much you love the person or how much you feel for them if they are not meeting you halfway and they are not treating you the way they should then you should just let them go and find another person that will. At some point of your life, you will become aware that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

Our story has three parts: a beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can’t believe that ours didn’t go on forever. What did you mean when you said together forever? Guess it was just one of your lies. But then again one of the ugliest sights in the world is to see the one you love happy with someone else. You the other person doing more than you tried and like an arrow through your heart it just places a black hole and your heart bleeds. It hurts the worst when the person that made you feel special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today.

To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person’s opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.

I don’t really understand why they call it heartbreak when it feels like every other part of my body is broken too. But then again you will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.

A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.

My Name Is Chriztopher Raymond And This Is My Story.
Let The Words Spray!!